la~la~la~

风吹落最后一片叶


我的心也飘着雪

爱只能往回忆里堆叠

oh~给下个季节

忽然间树梢冒花蕊

我怎么会都没有感觉

oh~整条街都是恋爱的人

我独自走在暖风的夜

多想要向过去告别

当季节不停更迭oh~

却还是少一点坚决

在这寂寞的季节

艳阳高照在那海边

爱情盛开的世界

远远看著热闹一切

oh~记得那狂烈

窗外是快枯黄的叶

感伤在心中有一些oh~

我了解那些爱过的人

心是如何慢慢在凋谢

多想要向过去告别

当季节不停更迭oh~

却永远少一点坚决

在这寂寞的季节

又走过风吹的冷冽

最后一盏灯熄灭

从回忆我慢慢穿越

在这寂寞的季节

还是寂寞的季节

一样寂寞的季节

Someone's Special One

Have you ever been thinking,
how sweet it would be to be the special one?

In life,
we meet a lot of special people,
coming in group or individual,
one at a time.

It's at that particular moment that u think someone is so special,
may be for a second, for a minute, for a year, and sometimes,
for a lifetime...

Thinking the other way round,
what kind of situation it would be to be the special one for someone,
not at the particular moment,
but for a lifelong's time?

*guess i must be drowsy again*
*having thinking of this so randomly*

Jiwang?!!

It's still in the midst of holidays,
and I'm supposed to be enjoying...
or perhaps I've enjoyed too much?

Seems that I'm not good at controlling my thinking and emotion,
especially those negative ones.
When I was in my psychiatric rotation,
I tot patients with anxiety or depressive disorder should be,
courageous enough to walk through the misery.

It's always easier said than done.
Those unpleasant feelings,
vivid nightmares, low mood,
painful physicals,
are coming back again.

May good things happening,
putting an end to all these.
*Amitabha*

Finally...

I'v been wanting 2 write this for long n perhaps this is the most appropriate time.
We've gone tru perhaps the most emotional periods in our lives,
and I'v never imagined that I would ever get so 'emo'
It's a journey of self-discovery I shall say...

What I mean were those torturing (err I should not perceive it this way) moments of non-stop studying,
no-fun-at-all life, waking up everyday just 2 feel nauseated n lifeless but to be grateful that I was still alive...
Today was the moment that we harvested the results of our hardwork.
This was probably the moment that we have 2 cherish n perhaps, celebrating?

But ironically, I was not 'emotional' as I had imagined myself would be.
I found that there's no reason to be happy or sad.
Should I reward myself for completing one of the most important milestones in my life?
Should I be resentful that I've not done my best?
Should I shout out in facebook thanking everyone that I could think of as others did?
Should I break into tears that finally everything is over?

The fact is I did not do or feel any of the above.
In fact, im feeling blue and down as a whole,
well I know that I shouldn't.
I really learnt that life is not a bed of roses,
and life is NOT FAIR at all...

Why should we let our one-day performance to determine how good or how bad we are?
Why are people working so hard all these while have to face such cruel truths?
Why hard works not always paid off?
I tot they said the harder u work the luckier u get??
I really do feel this for friends who were not fortunate enough 2 go through this,
I've no idea how oneself would take this,
but I really do hope they are, and will be fine.

Back to myself, what do I expect?
I hope that I've be given a license to heal and not to kill.

Let's make these our mottos:
*To cure sometime, to heal most of the time and to comfort all the time*
*Be humorous at times but to be humble always*
and the most important,
*Not trying to be brilliant ones, be SAFE ones*

~MD UKM 2012~

The Ugly Truth

there's a saying, "life DOESN'T ALWAYS go the way you want it to be",
but lately i have drawn another conclusion: life ALWAYS DOES NOT go the way you think it should be".

people said that if u have faith in something, it usually turns out to be the way you expect it to be.
but those happenings that you witness seem to prove it wrong,
and those happy-endings you watch in dramas will never, ever come to live.

so, wat's the point of hoping and wishing?
when the truths are always so disheartening and unpredictable...

*live the moment, coz you never know wat's coming up next*

真正的好朋友，

并不是在一起就有聊不完的话题，

而是在一起，就算不说话，

无论多久没见面，

也不会感到尴尬。

无题

痛過，才知道如何保護自己；

哭過，才知道心痛是什麼感覺；

傻過，才知道適時的堅持與放棄；

愛過，才知道自己其實很脆弱。


其實，生活並不需要這麼些無謂的執著，


沒有什麼就真的不能割捨。

breath-less-ness

Ever feel like exploding all out,
haunted by flooding streams of insecurity n fear,
much worse than a nightmare?

*increasing breathlessness
  (hopefully not a decompensated one)
*fingers crossed*

Err.... Errrm...

Ironic as it sounds, it is a fact that every ending is also a beginning. Putting this into my current situation, the ending of my CNY holidays marks the beginning of the most toturous moment in my life as a medical student, which is the period of intensive preparation for my, err... well... (still in denial phase)... yes... Professional Examination.

Forgetting about the the fear for it and looking at the bright side, this is perhaps the most happening CNY holidays that I can gain for the past few years. Those were so-called 'CNY holidays' amidst study weeks when u were in dilemma of choosing books over fun or the other way round, but ended up missing both.

Really enjoyed myself to the max for the past 1 week (though not reaching the state of euphoria). This is the period when "Keeping in touch" is being practised rather than being expressed as a wish over the text messages, when you know that there are people out there who are always care about how you do and will be doing (it's stressful sometimes, though), when we realise that people who seem doing well had their downsides as well and vice versa, when bunches of nostalgias and memories just being disclosed. Those were things that we had done, or had witnessed others did, and came into live again when all of us gather, together again.

Actually had been having flight of ideas about what 2 write over the past few days, but it would definitely go into manic state of not-knowing-wat-am-i-doing state 2mr if I continue writing. Shall post more (if i still have the mood 2 drop by here) in the torturing (in a better word, 'inspiring') days to come.

*God I really need lots of courages and luck*
*Good night*

《喜欢寂寞》sodagreen

扬起了灰尘 回忆里一场梦
那照片里的人 瞳孔曾住着我
阖上了过往 梦境活成河流
已滋润了身旁 真实中的脉搏
生命来到窗前
不吭一声 拎走了我们
谁为情所困 谁为爱牺牲
谁比谁深刻

当时奋不顾身伸出我的手
看见了轮廓就当作宇宙
甜美的习惯变成生活
才了解了什么

如今故事发展成就一个我
学会了生活能享受寂寞
剧烈的语言变成温柔
又带来了什么
若是不曾走过 怎么懂

翻飞了往事 有时灼伤眼眸
那伤人的台词 现在听来轻松
平息了心思 有时一笑而过
我此刻的样子 见风仍然是风
生命吹过面前
不吭一声 划成了掌纹
挥霍了缘份 看透了景色
我懂得深刻

《一起走到》yanzi

在我心中，

我知道，

这是永恒的长跑；

好不容易，

来到这里，

明天还要追更多荣耀。。

把自己角色扮演好，

全力以赴，

每一秒；

和我的家人，

和我的朋友，

向着目标，

手牵手，

要一起走到。。

C'est La Vie

"some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end.

life is about not knowing,

having to change,

taking the moment and making the best of it,

without knowing what's going to happen next.

delicious ambiguity..."

~gilda radner

*好偏极的想法*

无论如何，
*笑容，本来就应该发自内心，不该用以敷衍他人*
*希望每个人，每一次笑容都发自于真正的快乐，
别让笑容失去它原始的意义。。*

无题

人生有很多事情，
本来就徒劳无功的啊。。


（摘自《那些年。。》）
* 开始慢慢相信这句话*
*人生，好无奈*
*这世界，好可怕*

才发现，

笑着哭，

最痛。。。

~无言~

容忍的人其实并不笨，
只是宁可对自己残忍。。

*大家开心就好*

STOP, LOOK, GO...

came across a very interesting phrase recently: "The harder you work, the luckier you get". there was, however, another saying which is highly contradicting: "Don't try too hard, the best thing comes when you least expect it".

it's the end of the first posting in final year, and we'v all concluded a v peculiar phenomenon where nearly all final year medical students had shown some alteration in behaviour after entering final year, including myself, ironically.

it's quite apparent that every1 seems to be falling into the valleys of emo-ing, emptiness, altered behaviour and etc, those no longer news as i log in facebook everyday. those days were gone when we could sit back and relax after each posting, at least having a-week holidays before we enrol ourselves into the new one.

seeing us now, we'v jus done wif our end of posting exam yest, the new posting is awaiting ahead jus the day after 2mr. and worstil, the onli 2-day 'holidays' that we hav is filled wif the so called "medical career carnival" (mecca).

every1 was so down after coming back fr the carnival which was supposed to enlighten us about our future. it is quite obvious that surging number of medical doctors in tis country wil definitely render a stiff competition in our future career.

so where my future holds? what if it is not of what iv always imagined of? wil it be better, or worse? what wil i be doing if i did not end up doing medicine at all?

生命没有如果，所有发生的一切都是上天最好的安排。
“一切安好”("3 idiots")

A PAUSE ...

the past 1 week had been a really hectic one and perhaps would be the 'fullest' week in my first posting in final year.

surgery is my first posting in final year and surprisingly, it turns out that i don't really hate it as much as i did when i was in 3rd year. though still lack of motivation with little remnants of knowledge left in my memory, somehow i felt inspired... and STRESSed of course.

it was like you were a toddler yesterday, and now you're expected to walk like an adult. and any stupid move or uncertainty you encounter is equivalent to killing someone, and the penalty is worse than a death sentence.

i truely understand the rationale behind each doctor's expectation from us, but somehow or other it may be a hard time for all of us, and we have no time for adaptation, no right to complain. "you're just few months away from being a doctor, and please brush up yourself before you're killing someone" these are words familiar to all final year medical students that sometimes we pretend that we had not listened to them.

for the past 1 week, we were on-call for the whole wkend (and in fact we just went to show face for a while =) then assissted the first surgery in my life, completed two case write-ups in 1 week time, lost and found my sthetoscope, presented to the 3rd year students in the department, went on-call again last nite and witnessed live and death just in front our eyes.

of course tis is jus some recap of what actually happens in our life as final year medical students. there are many more instances where turbulence may set in, and i shall cross my fingers hoping for the best, or at least not the worst of the coming days...

*amitabha*

~Big Big World~

I can see the first leafs falling
It's all yellow and nice
It's so very cold outside
Like the way I'm feeling inside

Outside it's no raining
And tears are falling from my eyes
Why did it have to happen
Why did it all have to end