《喜欢寂寞》sodagreen

扬起了灰尘 回忆里一场梦
那照片里的人 瞳孔曾住着我
阖上了过往 梦境活成河流
已滋润了身旁 真实中的脉搏
生命来到窗前
不吭一声 拎走了我们
谁为情所困 谁为爱牺牲
谁比谁深刻

当时奋不顾身伸出我的手
看见了轮廓就当作宇宙
甜美的习惯变成生活
才了解了什么

如今故事发展成就一个我
学会了生活能享受寂寞
剧烈的语言变成温柔
又带来了什么
若是不曾走过 怎么懂

翻飞了往事 有时灼伤眼眸
那伤人的台词 现在听来轻松
平息了心思 有时一笑而过
我此刻的样子 见风仍然是风
生命吹过面前
不吭一声 划成了掌纹
挥霍了缘份 看透了景色
我懂得深刻

《一起走到》yanzi

在我心中，

我知道，

这是永恒的长跑；

好不容易，

来到这里，

明天还要追更多荣耀。。

把自己角色扮演好，

全力以赴，

每一秒；

和我的家人，

和我的朋友，

向着目标，

手牵手，

要一起走到。。

C'est La Vie

"some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end.

life is about not knowing,

having to change,

taking the moment and making the best of it,

without knowing what's going to happen next.

delicious ambiguity..."

~gilda radner

*好偏极的想法*

无论如何，
*笑容，本来就应该发自内心，不该用以敷衍他人*
*希望每个人，每一次笑容都发自于真正的快乐，
别让笑容失去它原始的意义。。*

无题

人生有很多事情，
本来就徒劳无功的啊。。


（摘自《那些年。。》）
* 开始慢慢相信这句话*
*人生，好无奈*
*这世界，好可怕*

才发现，

笑着哭，

最痛。。。

~无言~

容忍的人其实并不笨，
只是宁可对自己残忍。。

*大家开心就好*

STOP, LOOK, GO...

came across a very interesting phrase recently: "The harder you work, the luckier you get". there was, however, another saying which is highly contradicting: "Don't try too hard, the best thing comes when you least expect it".

it's the end of the first posting in final year, and we'v all concluded a v peculiar phenomenon where nearly all final year medical students had shown some alteration in behaviour after entering final year, including myself, ironically.

it's quite apparent that every1 seems to be falling into the valleys of emo-ing, emptiness, altered behaviour and etc, those no longer news as i log in facebook everyday. those days were gone when we could sit back and relax after each posting, at least having a-week holidays before we enrol ourselves into the new one.

seeing us now, we'v jus done wif our end of posting exam yest, the new posting is awaiting ahead jus the day after 2mr. and worstil, the onli 2-day 'holidays' that we hav is filled wif the so called "medical career carnival" (mecca).

every1 was so down after coming back fr the carnival which was supposed to enlighten us about our future. it is quite obvious that surging number of medical doctors in tis country wil definitely render a stiff competition in our future career.

so where my future holds? what if it is not of what iv always imagined of? wil it be better, or worse? what wil i be doing if i did not end up doing medicine at all?

生命没有如果，所有发生的一切都是上天最好的安排。
“一切安好”("3 idiots")

A PAUSE ...

the past 1 week had been a really hectic one and perhaps would be the 'fullest' week in my first posting in final year.

surgery is my first posting in final year and surprisingly, it turns out that i don't really hate it as much as i did when i was in 3rd year. though still lack of motivation with little remnants of knowledge left in my memory, somehow i felt inspired... and STRESSed of course.

it was like you were a toddler yesterday, and now you're expected to walk like an adult. and any stupid move or uncertainty you encounter is equivalent to killing someone, and the penalty is worse than a death sentence.

i truely understand the rationale behind each doctor's expectation from us, but somehow or other it may be a hard time for all of us, and we have no time for adaptation, no right to complain. "you're just few months away from being a doctor, and please brush up yourself before you're killing someone" these are words familiar to all final year medical students that sometimes we pretend that we had not listened to them.

for the past 1 week, we were on-call for the whole wkend (and in fact we just went to show face for a while =) then assissted the first surgery in my life, completed two case write-ups in 1 week time, lost and found my sthetoscope, presented to the 3rd year students in the department, went on-call again last nite and witnessed live and death just in front our eyes.

of course tis is jus some recap of what actually happens in our life as final year medical students. there are many more instances where turbulence may set in, and i shall cross my fingers hoping for the best, or at least not the worst of the coming days...

*amitabha*

~Big Big World~

I can see the first leafs falling
It's all yellow and nice
It's so very cold outside
Like the way I'm feeling inside

Outside it's no raining
And tears are falling from my eyes
Why did it have to happen
Why did it all have to end

FINAL countdown

I can still clearly recall the first day of I becoming a medical student, the first time of I going to the wards on the first day of clinical year, the first time of I witnessing a caesarean section, the first time of I conducting the delivery of a baby, the first time a patient said 'thank you' to me, the first time holding an autopsy knife, and sadly the first time witnessing a death. And the list goes on.

And yesterday, we came back from the 3rd PPD (personal n professional development) camp.
And now, we'r back to reality after 3 months of honey-moon like holidays.
And tomorrow, it will be the first day when we all being labeled as "final year medical students".

Frankly speaking, the PPD camp we went for the past 1 week had instilled me more fear than anticipation for the coming year(s).

It was told that the life of being a houseman will be full of sweats n tears while that of becoming a specialist will be filled with sweats, tears n blood.

I know that sometimes the fear itself does more harm than the actual thing that is being feared, but most of the time u can't help but just worrying rather than 'enjoying' the process.

I can see lots of misery n hardship in times to come, but may them be alternated with moments of joy n contentment. And let my friends n i cherish the final moments of becoming a student.

God, may I have enough strength to go through all this.
*amitabha*

“献给热爱生命的朋友”

我们不可以控制生命的长度，
但是，我们可以选择
决定生命的宽度。

我们不可以左右天气的变化，
但是，我们可以选择
改变自己的心情。

我们不可以改变自己的相貌，
但是，我们可以选择
展现自己的笑容。

我们不可以控制他人，
但是，我们可以选择
掌握自己。

虽然我们不可以预知明天的情况，
但是，我们却可以选择
好好的利用今天。

同样的，我们不可以样样都得胜，
但是，我们却可以选择
事事都尽力而为。

------------------------------
以上文章是翻开好久没打开的文件夹找到的，
是中一时一位临教所给的。
好多道理，其实大家老早就已领悟，
但是，
实践永远赶不上领悟。
原来，
大家都习惯健忘，
习惯把所懂的一切，
埋藏在看不到的角落。。

"The Doctor"

Everyday when I woke up in the morning,
I had a sensation.
"Am I hungry?"
"Am I tired?"
"Am I sad"
...... ......
Then I realized,
Im just...


lonely.

顺其自然

我试着让生活变得简单
对幸福或寂寞顺其自然
偶尔傻傻孤单偶尔傻傻浪漫
不怕大喜大悲那麽难负担
不想再背负太多期盼
对好奇或关心顺其自然
只是那点不安只是那点心酸
总会忽然扩散让心又累又茫然

<< The Alchemist >>

“ It’s the simple things in life that are the most extra-ordinary, only wise men are able to understand them.”

“ When someone sees the same people every day, they wind up becoming a part of that person’s life. And then they want the person to change. If someone isn’t what others want them to be, the others become angry. Everyone seems to have a clear idea of how people should lead their lives, but none about his or her own.”

“ The world’s greatest lie: at a certain point in our lives, we lose control of what’s happening to us, and our lives become controlled by fate.”

“ Intuition is really a sudden immersion of the soul into the universal current of life, where the histories of all people are connected, and we are able to know everything, because it’s all written there.”

“ People need not fear the unknown if they are capable of achieving what they need and want.”

“ We are afraid of losing what we have, whether it’s our life or our possessions and property. But this fear evaporates when we understand that our life stories and the history of the world were written by the same hand.”

“ When you can’t go back, you have to worry only about the best way of moving forward.”

“ If good things are coming, they will be a pleasant surprise. If bad things are, and you know in advance, you will suffer greatly before they even occur.”

“ to die tomorrow was no worse than dying on any other day. Every day was there to be lived or mark one’s departure from this world.”

“ The wise men understood that this natural world is only an image and a copy of paradise. The existence of this world is simply a guarantee that there exists a world that is perfect. God created the world so that, through its visible objects, men could understand his spiritual teachings and the marvels of his wisdom.”

“ You will never be able to keep your heart quiet. Even if you pretend not to have heard what it tells you, it will always be there inside you, repeating to you what you’re thinking about life and about the world.”

“ People are afraid to pursue their most important dreams, because they feel that they don’t deserve them, or that they’ll be unable to achieve them. Their hearts, become fearful just thinking of loved ones who go away forever, or of moments that could have been good but weren’t, or of treasures that might have been found but were forever hidden in the sand. Because, when these things happen, we suffer terribly.”

“ Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself. And that no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams, because every second of the search is a second’s encounter with God and with eternity.”

“ Before a dream is realized, the Soul of the World tests everything that was learned along the way. It does this not because it is evil, but so that we can, in addition to realizing our dreams, master the lessons we’ve learned as we’ve moved toward that dream. That’s the point at which most people give up.”

“ Every search begins with beginner’s luck. And every search ends with the victor’s being severely tested.”

“ the darkest hour of the night came just before the dawn.”

<< 下一个我 >>

曲：饶善强 词：陈信延

听到第一个我说做人要诚恳
偏偏第二个我刚刚穿好保护色
第三个我 在干什么
静静 看著 两个我 在拔河

第四个我热血沸腾 彻夜唱著歌
第五个我却赖在床上一直瘫痪睡著
第六七个我 到哪里呢
难道背叛我了

一边笑得疯了 一边哭得累了 判若 两人
快要放弃了 快要虚脱了 下一 个我 又是 什么 角色
一边温驯爱著 一边激烈恨著 心能有几颗
我痛得快死了 可却还能活著 你说 该如何

上一个我还没修完失恋的功课
下一个我却迫不及待很想坠入爱河
同一个躯壳 不同人生
每个我都陌生

一边加速衝了 一边却在煞车 判若 两人
我不是我的 属于别人了 所以 自己 都没 资格 选择
一边极度快乐 一边心如刀割 人格分裂著
等待下一个我 挑战这一个我 你说 扯不扯

<< 最重要的決定 >>

詞:姚若龍 曲:陳小霞

我常在想應該再也找不到
任何人像你對我那麼好
好到我的家人也被照料
我的朋友還為你撐腰

你還是有一堆毛病改不掉
拗起來氣得仙女都跳腳
可是人生完美的事太少
我們不能什麼都想要

你是我最重要的決定
我願意 每天在你身邊甦醒
就連吵架也很過癮 不會冷冰
因為真愛沒有輸贏 只有親密

你是我最重要的決定
我願意 打破對未知的恐懼
就算流淚也能放晴 將心比心
因為幸福沒有捷徑 只有經營

<< For One More Day >>

"You count the hours you could have spent with your mother. It's a lifetime in itself."

"It's such a shame to waste time. We always think we we have so much of it."

"The more you defend a lie, the angrier you become."

"Belief, hard work, love - you have those things, you can do anything."

"While something is happening, something is always happening somewhere else."

<< Tuesdays with Morrie >>

"Life is a series of pulls back and forth. you want to do one thing, but you're bound to do something else. Something hurts you, yet you know it shouldn't. You take certain things for granted, even when you know you should never take anything for granted."

"So many people walk around with a meaningless life. They seem half-asleep, even when they're busy doing things they think are important. This is because they're chasing the wrong things. The way you get meaning into your life is to devote yourself to loving others, devote yourself to your community around you, and devote yourself to creating something that gives you purpose and meaning."

"The most important thing in life is to learn how to give out love, and to let it come in."

"Let it come in. We think we don't deserve love, we think if we let it in we'll become too soft. But a wise man named Levine said it right. He said, Love is the only rational act."

"The culture doesn't encourage you to think about such things until you're about to die. We're so wrapped up with egotistical things, career, family, having enough money, meeting the mortgage, getting a new car, fixing the radiator when it breaks - we're involved in trillions of little acts just to keep going. So we don't get into the habit of standing back and looking at our lives and saying, 'is this all? is this all i want? is something missing?"

"You need someone to probe you in that direction. It won't just happen that way."

"Everyone knows they're going to die, but nobody believes it." "Once you learn how to die, you learn how to live."

"If you really listen to that bird on your shoulder, if you accept that you can die at any time - then you might not be as ambitious as you are."

"Even I don't know what spiritual development really means. But i do know we're deficient in some way. We're too involved in materialistic things, and they don't satisfy us. The loving relationships we have, the universe around us, we take these things for granted."

"The fact is, there is no foundation, no secure ground, upon which people may stand today if it isn't the family."

"Love each other or perish."

"There is no experience like having children. There's no substitute for it. You cannot do it with a friend. You cannot do it with a lover. If you want the experience of having complete responsibility for another human being, and to learn how to love and bond in the deepest way, then you should have children."

At 78, he was giving as an adult and taking as a child.

"I am talking to you. I am thinking about you."

"So many people with far smaller problems are so self-absorbed, their eyes glaze over if you speak for more than thirty seconds. They already have something else in mind - a friend to call, a fax to send, a lover they're daydreaming about. They only snap back to full attention when you finish talking, at which point they say 'uh-uhh' or 'yeah, really' and fake their way back to the moment."

"Everyone is in such a hurry. People haven't found meaning in their lives, so they're running all the time looking for it. They think the next car, the next car, the next house, the next job. Then they found those things are empty, too, and they keep running."

"I think marriage is a very important thing to do, and you're missing a hell of a lot if you don't try it."

"Don't let go too soon, but don't hang on too long."

"Death ends a life, not a relationship."

My LoMo Experience

My first film with my Diana Mini was a total disaster... i've never seen photos so distorted before. here are some of the few more 'acceptable' ones to me, and perhaps, not to you hahaha...

In Bukit Tinggi the place we went for a breeze walk after the final exam of year 4:







Levain, one of the places we celebrated my 23rd bday:



the interior was exotic and flattering. too bad you cant see it now, the result of not
having 'flash' for my lil Diana. perhaps i shall consider to buy one. these are some of
the 'romantic' flash-less photos taken:




Other slightly out-of-focus photos taken in inexperienced hands like mine and few more friends:





And of course, there are many more 'markedly' out-of-focus photos that i did not post here, but kept unexposed in my CD. they are jus too disastrous to be displayed here, and i shall just bury them forever, or else all other lomo fans will be resenting me for misusing the world-hit camera =)