It's still in the midst of holidays,
and I'm supposed to be enjoying...
or perhaps I've enjoyed too much?
Seems that I'm not good at controlling my thinking and emotion,
especially those negative ones.
When I was in my psychiatric rotation,
I tot patients with anxiety or depressive disorder should be,
courageous enough to walk through the misery.
It's always easier said than done.
Those unpleasant feelings,
vivid nightmares, low mood,
painful physicals,
are coming back again.
May good things happening,
putting an end to all these.
*Amitabha*
Monday, June 4, 2012
Thursday, April 5, 2012
Finally...
I'v been wanting 2 write this for long n perhaps this is the most appropriate time.
We've gone tru perhaps the most emotional periods in our lives,
and I'v never imagined that I would ever get so 'emo'
It's a journey of self-discovery I shall say...
What I mean were those torturing (err I should not perceive it this way) moments of non-stop studying,
no-fun-at-all life, waking up everyday just 2 feel nauseated n lifeless but to be grateful that I was still alive...
Today was the moment that we harvested the results of our hardwork.
This was probably the moment that we have 2 cherish n perhaps, celebrating?
But ironically, I was not 'emotional' as I had imagined myself would be.
I found that there's no reason to be happy or sad.
Should I reward myself for completing one of the most important milestones in my life?
Should I be resentful that I've not done my best?
Should I shout out in facebook thanking everyone that I could think of as others did?
Should I break into tears that finally everything is over?
The fact is I did not do or feel any of the above.
In fact, im feeling blue and down as a whole,
well I know that I shouldn't.
I really learnt that life is not a bed of roses,
and life is NOT FAIR at all...
Why should we let our one-day performance to determine how good or how bad we are?
Why are people working so hard all these while have to face such cruel truths?
Why hard works not always paid off?
I tot they said the harder u work the luckier u get??
I really do feel this for friends who were not fortunate enough 2 go through this,
I've no idea how oneself would take this,
but I really do hope they are, and will be fine.
Back to myself, what do I expect?
I hope that I've be given a license to heal and not to kill.
Let's make these our mottos:
*To cure sometime, to heal most of the time and to comfort all the time*
*Be humorous at times but to be humble always*
and the most important,
*Not trying to be brilliant ones, be SAFE ones*
~MD UKM 2012~
We've gone tru perhaps the most emotional periods in our lives,
and I'v never imagined that I would ever get so 'emo'
It's a journey of self-discovery I shall say...
What I mean were those torturing (err I should not perceive it this way) moments of non-stop studying,
no-fun-at-all life, waking up everyday just 2 feel nauseated n lifeless but to be grateful that I was still alive...
Today was the moment that we harvested the results of our hardwork.
This was probably the moment that we have 2 cherish n perhaps, celebrating?
But ironically, I was not 'emotional' as I had imagined myself would be.
I found that there's no reason to be happy or sad.
Should I reward myself for completing one of the most important milestones in my life?
Should I be resentful that I've not done my best?
Should I shout out in facebook thanking everyone that I could think of as others did?
Should I break into tears that finally everything is over?
The fact is I did not do or feel any of the above.
In fact, im feeling blue and down as a whole,
well I know that I shouldn't.
I really learnt that life is not a bed of roses,
and life is NOT FAIR at all...
Why should we let our one-day performance to determine how good or how bad we are?
Why are people working so hard all these while have to face such cruel truths?
Why hard works not always paid off?
I tot they said the harder u work the luckier u get??
I really do feel this for friends who were not fortunate enough 2 go through this,
I've no idea how oneself would take this,
but I really do hope they are, and will be fine.
Back to myself, what do I expect?
I hope that I've be given a license to heal and not to kill.
Let's make these our mottos:
*To cure sometime, to heal most of the time and to comfort all the time*
*Be humorous at times but to be humble always*
and the most important,
*Not trying to be brilliant ones, be SAFE ones*
~MD UKM 2012~
Saturday, February 25, 2012
The Ugly Truth
there's a saying, "life DOESN'T ALWAYS go the way you want it to be",
but lately i have drawn another conclusion: life ALWAYS DOES NOT go the way you think it should be".
people said that if u have faith in something, it usually turns out to be the way you expect it to be.
but those happenings that you witness seem to prove it wrong,
and those happy-endings you watch in dramas will never, ever come to live.
so, wat's the point of hoping and wishing?
when the truths are always so disheartening and unpredictable...
*live the moment, coz you never know wat's coming up next*
but lately i have drawn another conclusion: life ALWAYS DOES NOT go the way you think it should be".
people said that if u have faith in something, it usually turns out to be the way you expect it to be.
but those happenings that you witness seem to prove it wrong,
and those happy-endings you watch in dramas will never, ever come to live.
so, wat's the point of hoping and wishing?
when the truths are always so disheartening and unpredictable...
*live the moment, coz you never know wat's coming up next*
Friday, February 17, 2012
Monday, February 13, 2012
breath-less-ness
Ever feel like exploding all out,
haunted by flooding streams of insecurity n fear,
much worse than a nightmare?
*increasing breathlessness
(hopefully not a decompensated one)
*fingers crossed*
haunted by flooding streams of insecurity n fear,
much worse than a nightmare?
*increasing breathlessness
(hopefully not a decompensated one)
*fingers crossed*
Thursday, January 26, 2012
Err.... Errrm...
Ironic as it sounds, it is a fact that every ending is also a beginning. Putting this into my current situation, the ending of my CNY holidays marks the beginning of the most toturous moment in my life as a medical student, which is the period of intensive preparation for my, err... well... (still in denial phase)... yes... Professional Examination.
Forgetting about the the fear for it and looking at the bright side, this is perhaps the most happening CNY holidays that I can gain for the past few years. Those were so-called 'CNY holidays' amidst study weeks when u were in dilemma of choosing books over fun or the other way round, but ended up missing both.
Really enjoyed myself to the max for the past 1 week (though not reaching the state of euphoria). This is the period when "Keeping in touch" is being practised rather than being expressed as a wish over the text messages, when you know that there are people out there who are always care about how you do and will be doing (it's stressful sometimes, though), when we realise that people who seem doing well had their downsides as well and vice versa, when bunches of nostalgias and memories just being disclosed. Those were things that we had done, or had witnessed others did, and came into live again when all of us gather, together again.
Actually had been having flight of ideas about what 2 write over the past few days, but it would definitely go into manic state of not-knowing-wat-am-i-doing state 2mr if I continue writing. Shall post more (if i still have the mood 2 drop by here) in the torturing (in a better word, 'inspiring') days to come.
*God I really need lots of courages and luck*
*Good night*
Forgetting about the the fear for it and looking at the bright side, this is perhaps the most happening CNY holidays that I can gain for the past few years. Those were so-called 'CNY holidays' amidst study weeks when u were in dilemma of choosing books over fun or the other way round, but ended up missing both.
Really enjoyed myself to the max for the past 1 week (though not reaching the state of euphoria). This is the period when "Keeping in touch" is being practised rather than being expressed as a wish over the text messages, when you know that there are people out there who are always care about how you do and will be doing (it's stressful sometimes, though), when we realise that people who seem doing well had their downsides as well and vice versa, when bunches of nostalgias and memories just being disclosed. Those were things that we had done, or had witnessed others did, and came into live again when all of us gather, together again.
Actually had been having flight of ideas about what 2 write over the past few days, but it would definitely go into manic state of not-knowing-wat-am-i-doing state 2mr if I continue writing. Shall post more (if i still have the mood 2 drop by here) in the torturing (in a better word, 'inspiring') days to come.
*God I really need lots of courages and luck*
*Good night*
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