simply me, myself, and i

2012-02-17T22:55:00.000-08:00

真正的好朋友，

并不是在一起就有聊不完的话题，

而是在一起，就算不说话，

无论多久没见面，

也不会感到尴尬。

无题

2012-02-17T07:21:00.000-08:00

痛過，才知道如何保護自己；

哭過，才知道心痛是什麼感覺；

傻過，才知道適時的堅持與放棄；

愛過，才知道自己其實很脆弱。

其實，生活並不需要這麼些無謂的執著，

沒有什麼就真的不能割捨。

breath-less-ness

2012-02-13T07:10:00.000-08:00

Ever feel like exploding all out,
haunted by flooding streams of insecurity n fear,
much worse than a nightmare?

*increasing breathlessness
(hopefully not a decompensated one)
*fingers crossed*

Err.... Errrm...

2012-01-26T11:15:00.000-08:00

Ironic as it sounds, it is a fact that every ending is also a beginning. Putting this into my current situation, the ending of my CNY holidays marks the beginning of the most toturous moment in my life as a medical student, which is the period of intensive preparation for my, err... well... (still in denial phase)... yes... Professional Examination.

Forgetting about the the fear for it and looking at the bright side, this is perhaps the most happening CNY holidays that I can gain for the past few years. Those were so-called 'CNY holidays' amidst study weeks when u were in dilemma of choosing books over fun or the other way round, but ended up missing both.

Really enjoyed myself to the max for the past 1 week (though not reaching the state of euphoria). This is the period when "Keeping in touch" is being practised rather than being expressed as a wish over the text messages, when you know that there are people out there who are always care about how you do and will be doing (it's stressful sometimes, though), when we realise that people who seem doing well had their downsides as well and vice versa, when bunches of nostalgias and memories just being disclosed. Those were things that we had done, or had witnessed others did, and came into live again when all of us gather, together again.

Actually had been having flight of ideas about what 2 write over the past few days, but it would definitely go into manic state of not-knowing-wat-am-i-doing state 2mr if I continue writing. Shall post more (if i still have the mood 2 drop by here) in the torturing (in a better word, 'inspiring') days to come.

*God I really need lots of courages and luck*
*Good night*

《喜欢寂寞》sodagreen

2011-12-27T06:37:00.000-08:00

扬起了灰尘回忆里一场梦
那照片里的人瞳孔曾住着我
阖上了过往梦境活成河流
已滋润了身旁真实中的脉搏
生命来到窗前
不吭一声拎走了我们
谁为情所困谁为爱牺牲
谁比谁深刻

当时奋不顾身伸出我的手
看见了轮廓就当作宇宙
甜美的习惯变成生活
才了解了什么

如今故事发展成就一个我
学会了生活能享受寂寞
剧烈的语言变成温柔
又带来了什么
若是不曾走过怎么懂

翻飞了往事有时灼伤眼眸
那伤人的台词现在听来轻松
平息了心思有时一笑而过
我此刻的样子见风仍然是风
生命吹过面前
不吭一声划成了掌纹
挥霍了缘份看透了景色
我懂得深刻

《一起走到》yanzi

2011-11-25T08:29:00.001-08:00

在我心中，

我知道，

这是永恒的长跑；

好不容易，

来到这里，

明天还要追更多荣耀。。

把自己角色扮演好，

全力以赴，

每一秒；

和我的家人，

和我的朋友，

向着目标，

手牵手，

要一起走到。。

C'est La Vie

2011-11-22T09:31:00.001-08:00

"some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end.

life is about not knowing,

having to change,

taking the moment and making the best of it,

without knowing what's going to happen next.

delicious ambiguity..."

~gilda radner

2011-11-22T08:58:00.001-08:00

*好偏极的想法*

无论如何，
*笑容，本来就应该发自内心，不该用以敷衍他人*
*希望每个人，每一次笑容都发自于真正的快乐，
别让笑容失去它原始的意义。。*

无题

2011-11-15T08:30:00.001-08:00

人生有很多事情，
本来就徒劳无功的啊。。

（摘自《那些年。。》）
* 开始慢慢相信这句话*
*人生，好无奈*
*这世界，好可怕*

2011-10-13T06:10:00.000-07:00

2011-09-30T03:30:00.000-07:00

才发现，

笑着哭，

最痛。。。

~无言~

2011-09-14T02:07:00.000-07:00

容忍的人其实并不笨，
只是宁可对自己残忍。。

*大家开心就好*

STOP, LOOK, GO...

2011-07-30T08:21:00.000-07:00

came across a very interesting phrase recently: "The harder you work, the luckier you get". there was, however, another saying which is highly contradicting: "Don't try too hard, the best thing comes when you least expect it".

it's the end of the first posting in final year, and we'v all concluded a v peculiar phenomenon where nearly all final year medical students had shown some alteration in behaviour after entering final year, including myself, ironically.

it's quite apparent that every1 seems to be falling into the valleys of emo-ing, emptiness, altered behaviour and etc, those no longer news as i log in facebook everyday. those days were gone when we could sit back and relax after each posting, at least having a-week holidays before we enrol ourselves into the new one.

seeing us now, we'v jus done wif our end of posting exam yest, the new posting is awaiting ahead jus the day after 2mr. and worstil, the onli 2-day 'holidays' that we hav is filled wif the so called "medical career carnival" (mecca).

every1 was so down after coming back fr the carnival which was supposed to enlighten us about our future. it is quite obvious that surging number of medical doctors in tis country wil definitely render a stiff competition in our future career.

so where my future holds? what if it is not of what iv always imagined of? wil it be better, or worse? what wil i be doing if i did not end up doing medicine at all?

生命没有如果，所有发生的一切都是上天最好的安排。
“一切安好”("3 idiots")

A PAUSE ...

2011-07-01T05:57:00.000-07:00

the past 1 week had been a really hectic one and perhaps would be the 'fullest' week in my first posting in final year.

surgery is my first posting in final year and surprisingly, it turns out that i don't really hate it as much as i did when i was in 3rd year. though still lack of motivation with little remnants of knowledge left in my memory, somehow i felt inspired... and STRESSed of course.

it was like you were a toddler yesterday, and now you're expected to walk like an adult. and any stupid move or uncertainty you encounter is equivalent to killing someone, and the penalty is worse than a death sentence.

i truely understand the rationale behind each doctor's expectation from us, but somehow or other it may be a hard time for all of us, and we have no time for adaptation, no right to complain. "you're just few months away from being a doctor, and please brush up yourself before you're killing someone" these are words familiar to all final year medical students that sometimes we pretend that we had not listened to them.

for the past 1 week, we were on-call for the whole wkend (and in fact we just went to show face for a while =) then assissted the first surgery in my life, completed two case write-ups in 1 week time, lost and found my sthetoscope, presented to the 3rd year students in the department, went on-call again last nite and witnessed live and death just in front our eyes.

of course tis is jus some recap of what actually happens in our life as final year medical students. there are many more instances where turbulence may set in, and i shall cross my fingers hoping for the best, or at least not the worst of the coming days...

*amitabha*

~Big Big World~

2011-06-28T02:28:00.000-07:00

I can see the first leafs falling
It's all yellow and nice
It's so very cold outside
Like the way I'm feeling inside

Outside it's no raining
And tears are falling from my eyes
Why did it have to happen
Why did it all have to end

FINAL countdown

2011-06-12T01:28:00.000-07:00

I can still clearly recall the first day of I becoming a medical student, the first time of I going to the wards on the first day of clinical year, the first time of I witnessing a caesarean section, the first time of I conducting the delivery of a baby, the first time a patient said 'thank you' to me, the first time holding an autopsy knife, and sadly the first time witnessing a death. And the list goes on.

And yesterday, we came back from the 3rd PPD (personal n professional development) camp.
And now, we'r back to reality after 3 months of honey-moon like holidays.
And tomorrow, it will be the first day when we all being labeled as "final year medical students".

Frankly speaking, the PPD camp we went for the past 1 week had instilled me more fear than anticipation for the coming year(s).

It was told that the life of being a houseman will be full of sweats n tears while that of becoming a specialist will be filled with sweats, tears n blood.

I know that sometimes the fear itself does more harm than the actual thing that is being feared, but most of the time u can't help but just worrying rather than 'enjoying' the process.

I can see lots of misery n hardship in times to come, but may them be alternated with moments of joy n contentment. And let my friends n i cherish the final moments of becoming a student.

God, may I have enough strength to go through all this.
*amitabha*

“献给热爱生命的朋友”

2011-06-11T09:18:00.000-07:00

我们不可以控制生命的长度，
但是，我们可以选择
决定生命的宽度。

我们不可以左右天气的变化，
但是，我们可以选择
改变自己的心情。

我们不可以改变自己的相貌，
但是，我们可以选择
展现自己的笑容。

我们不可以控制他人，
但是，我们可以选择
掌握自己。

虽然我们不可以预知明天的情况，
但是，我们却可以选择
好好的利用今天。

同样的，我们不可以样样都得胜，
但是，我们却可以选择
事事都尽力而为。

------------------------------
以上文章是翻开好久没打开的文件夹找到的，
是中一时一位临教所给的。
好多道理，其实大家老早就已领悟，
但是，
实践永远赶不上领悟。
原来，
大家都习惯健忘，
习惯把所懂的一切，
埋藏在看不到的角落。。

"The Doctor"

2011-06-01T21:23:00.000-07:00

Everyday when I woke up in the morning,
I had a sensation.
"Am I hungry?"
"Am I tired?"
"Am I sad"
...... ......
Then I realized,
Im just...

lonely.

顺其自然

2011-05-27T09:08:00.000-07:00

我试着让生活变得简单
对幸福或寂寞顺其自然
偶尔傻傻孤单偶尔傻傻浪漫
不怕大喜大悲那麽难负担
不想再背负太多期盼
对好奇或关心顺其自然
只是那点不安只是那点心酸
总会忽然扩散让心又累又茫然

<< The Alchemist >>

2011-04-30T11:26:00.000-07:00

“ It’s the simple things in life that are the most extra-ordinary, only wise men are able to understand them.”

“ When someone sees the same people every day, they wind up becoming a part of that person’s life. And then they want the person to change. If someone isn’t what others want them to be, the others become angry. Everyone seems to have a clear idea of how people should lead their lives, but none about his or her own.”

“ The world’s greatest lie: at a certain point in our lives, we lose control of what’s happening to us, and our lives become controlled by fate.”

“ Intuition is really a sudden immersion of the soul into the universal current of life, where the histories of all people are connected, and we are able to know everything, because it’s all written there.”

“ People need not fear the unknown if they are capable of achieving what they need and want.”

“ We are afraid of losing what we have, whether it’s our life or our possessions and property. But this fear evaporates when we understand that our life stories and the history of the world were written by the same hand.”

“ When you can’t go back, you have to worry only about the best way of moving forward.”

“ If good things are coming, they will be a pleasant surprise. If bad things are, and you know in advance, you will suffer greatly before they even occur.”

“ to die tomorrow was no worse than dying on any other day. Every day was there to be lived or mark one’s departure from this world.”

“ The wise men understood that this natural world is only an image and a copy of paradise. The existence of this world is simply a guarantee that there exists a world that is perfect. God created the world so that, through its visible objects, men could understand his spiritual teachings and the marvels of his wisdom.”

“ You will never be able to keep your heart quiet. Even if you pretend not to have heard what it tells you, it will always be there inside you, repeating to you what you’re thinking about life and about the world.”

“ People are afraid to pursue their most important dreams, because they feel that they don’t deserve them, or that they’ll be unable to achieve them. Their hearts, become fearful just thinking of loved ones who go away forever, or of moments that could have been good but weren’t, or of treasures that might have been found but were forever hidden in the sand. Because, when these things happen, we suffer terribly.”

“ Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself. And that no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams, because every second of the search is a second’s encounter with God and with eternity.”

“ Before a dream is realized, the Soul of the World tests everything that was learned along the way. It does this not because it is evil, but so that we can, in addition to realizing our dreams, master the lessons we’ve learned as we’ve moved toward that dream. That’s the point at which most people give up.”

“ Every search begins with beginner’s luck. And every search ends with the victor’s being severely tested.”

“ the darkest hour of the night came just before the dawn.”

<< 下一个我 >>

2011-04-23T08:39:00.000-07:00

曲：饶善强词：陈信延

听到第一个我说做人要诚恳
偏偏第二个我刚刚穿好保护色
第三个我在干什么
静静看著两个我在拔河

第四个我热血沸腾彻夜唱著歌
第五个我却赖在床上一直瘫痪睡著
第六七个我到哪里呢
难道背叛我了

一边笑得疯了一边哭得累了判若两人
快要放弃了快要虚脱了下一个我又是什么角色
一边温驯爱著一边激烈恨著心能有几颗
我痛得快死了可却还能活著你说该如何

上一个我还没修完失恋的功课
下一个我却迫不及待很想坠入爱河
同一个躯壳不同人生
每个我都陌生

一边加速衝了一边却在煞车判若两人
我不是我的属于别人了所以自己都没资格选择
一边极度快乐一边心如刀割人格分裂著
等待下一个我挑战这一个我你说扯不扯

<< 最重要的決定 >>

2011-03-29T06:18:00.000-07:00

詞:姚若龍曲:陳小霞

我常在想應該再也找不到
任何人像你對我那麼好
好到我的家人也被照料
我的朋友還為你撐腰

你還是有一堆毛病改不掉
拗起來氣得仙女都跳腳
可是人生完美的事太少
我們不能什麼都想要

你是我最重要的決定
我願意每天在你身邊甦醒
就連吵架也很過癮不會冷冰
因為真愛沒有輸贏只有親密

你是我最重要的決定
我願意打破對未知的恐懼
就算流淚也能放晴將心比心
因為幸福沒有捷徑只有經營

<< For One More Day >>

2011-03-29T06:10:00.000-07:00

"You count the hours you could have spent with your mother. It's a lifetime in itself."

"It's such a shame to waste time. We always think we we have so much of it."

"The more you defend a lie, the angrier you become."

"Belief, hard work, love - you have those things, you can do anything."

"While something is happening, something is always happening somewhere else."

<< Tuesdays with Morrie >>

2011-03-16T05:16:00.000-07:00

"Life is a series of pulls back and forth. you want to do one thing, but you're bound to do something else. Something hurts you, yet you know it shouldn't. You take certain things for granted, even when you know you should never take anything for granted."

"So many people walk around with a meaningless life. They seem half-asleep, even when they're busy doing things they think are important. This is because they're chasing the wrong things. The way you get meaning into your life is to devote yourself to loving others, devote yourself to your community around you, and devote yourself to creating something that gives you purpose and meaning."

"The most important thing in life is to learn how to give out love, and to let it come in."

"Let it come in. We think we don't deserve love, we think if we let it in we'll become too soft. But a wise man named Levine said it right. He said, Love is the only rational act."

"The culture doesn't encourage you to think about such things until you're about to die. We're so wrapped up with egotistical things, career, family, having enough money, meeting the mortgage, getting a new car, fixing the radiator when it breaks - we're involved in trillions of little acts just to keep going. So we don't get into the habit of standing back and looking at our lives and saying, 'is this all? is this all i want? is something missing?"

"You need someone to probe you in that direction. It won't just happen that way."

"Everyone knows they're going to die, but nobody believes it." "Once you learn how to die, you learn how to live."

"If you really listen to that bird on your shoulder, if you accept that you can die at any time - then you might not be as ambitious as you are."

"Even I don't know what spiritual development really means. But i do know we're deficient in some way. We're too involved in materialistic things, and they don't satisfy us. The loving relationships we have, the universe around us, we take these things for granted."

"The fact is, there is no foundation, no secure ground, upon which people may stand today if it isn't the family."

"Love each other or perish."

"There is no experience like having children. There's no substitute for it. You cannot do it with a friend. You cannot do it with a lover. If you want the experience of having complete responsibility for another human being, and to learn how to love and bond in the deepest way, then you should have children."

At 78, he was giving as an adult and taking as a child.

"I am talking to you. I am thinking about you."

"So many people with far smaller problems are so self-absorbed, their eyes glaze over if you speak for more than thirty seconds. They already have something else in mind - a friend to call, a fax to send, a lover they're daydreaming about. They only snap back to full attention when you finish talking, at which point they say 'uh-uhh' or 'yeah, really' and fake their way back to the moment."

"Everyone is in such a hurry. People haven't found meaning in their lives, so they're running all the time looking for it. They think the next car, the next car, the next house, the next job. Then they found those things are empty, too, and they keep running."

"I think marriage is a very important thing to do, and you're missing a hell of a lot if you don't try it."

"Don't let go too soon, but don't hang on too long."

"Death ends a life, not a relationship."

My LoMo Experience

2011-03-02T01:21:00.000-08:00

My first film with my Diana Mini was a total disaster... i've never seen photos so distorted before. here are some of the few more 'acceptable' ones to me, and perhaps, not to you hahaha...

In Bukit Tinggi the place we went for a breeze walk after the final exam of year 4:

Levain, one of the places we celebrated my 23rd bday:

the interior was exotic and flattering. too bad you cant see it now, the result of not
having 'flash' for my lil Diana. perhaps i shall consider to buy one. these are some of
the 'romantic' flash-less photos taken:

Other slightly out-of-focus photos taken in inexperienced hands like mine and few more friends:

And of course, there are many more 'markedly' out-of-focus photos that i did not post here, but kept unexposed in my CD. they are jus too disastrous to be displayed here, and i shall just bury them forever, or else all other lomo fans will be resenting me for misusing the world-hit camera =)

可不可以不勇敢

2010-12-06T09:59:00.000-08:00

我们可不可以不勇敢
当伤太重心太酸无力承担
虽然现在女人很流行释然
好像什么困难都知道该怎么办。。

Make a Wish?

2010-11-30T09:15:00.000-08:00

it's kinda 'routine' for a birthday girl/boy to make a wish on his/her birthday...
n iv always been doubting wat's the rationale behind and if it really works...

a fren had just given me a hand-made 'fairy' which is allegedly having the power to grant my wish if i believe wif all my might...
the question is, should i still believe in fairy tale at this age n if i do, how hard should i believe?

there's always some despair behind every wish, like it or not...
we can never get all what we want, and through this we learn to appreciate...
we wish, our wishes not granted, we're disappointed, then we wish again, only to find that we can never get close to what we want...

you may see me as a greedy person judging from the above statement, but somehow there's always 'something' missing when my wish is 'seemingly' granted... there is always some discrepancy between what we expect and what happens for real... im not good in describing feelings but its like 2 parallel lines that will never meet for eternity.

and thus, i stop making wish, stop longing for things to happen, stop making promises, and stop testifying others' promises, sounds pathetic huh... because if i don't, then there will not be disappointment...

well, some people believe fervently in 'law of attraction', and i do trust it 2 some extent but personally it's quite next to impossible to implement this in my life... im afraid of losing control should things not going the way i 'attracted to', and eventually i may lose faith of myself...

perhaps it's time for me to believe in things that iv lost my faith in long time ago...
and my little fairy, would u like to lend me ur helping hands when i need u?

*there can be miracles, when u believe (really?)*
btw,
*祝我生日快乐*

眼泪

2010-11-21T04:39:00.000-08:00

你从不曾发现。。

我笑中，

还有泪。。。

Anything i'm not

2010-11-01T08:55:00.000-07:00

I will never be, I will never be tall, no
And I will never be, never ever be sure of it all
Oh, why's the world so cruel to me?
When all, all I ever wanna be is anything I'm not

Gimme a break, a little escape
I am so tired of being me
I wanna be free, I wanna be new and different
Anything I'm not, I'm not

I will never be, I will never be you, no
I will always be, I will always be me, that I know
But oh, even though I'm happy being me
I want to get away from all this harsh reality, oh

Trouble is a friend ?

2010-11-01T08:28:00.001-07:00

Trouble he will find you no matter where you go, oh oh
No matter if you're fast, no matter if you're slow, oh oh
The eye of the storm or the cry in the mourn, oh oh
You're fine for a while but you start to lose control

He's there in the dark, he's there in my heart
He waits in the wings, he's gotta play a part
Trouble is a friend, yeah trouble is a friend of mine, oh oh!

Trouble is a friend but trouble is a foe, oh oh
And no matter what I feed him he always seems to grow, oh oh
He sees what I see and he knows what I know, oh oh
So don't forget as you ease on down the road

He's there in the dark, he's there in my heart
He waits in the wings, he's gotta play a part
Trouble is a friend, yeah trouble is a friend of mine, oh oh

So don't be alarmed if he takes you by the arm
I won't let him win, but I'm a sucker for his charm
Trouble is a friend, yeah trouble is a friend of mine, oh oh!

Oh how I hate the way he makes me feel
And how I try to make him leave, I try
Oh oh, I try!

He's there in the dark, he's there in my heart
He waits in the wings, he's gotta play a part
Trouble is a friend, yeah trouble is a friend of mine, oh oh

So don't be alarmed if he takes you by the arm
I won't let him win, but I'm a sucker for his charm
Trouble is a friend, yeah trouble is a friend of mine, oh oh!

Just enjoy the show ...

2010-11-01T08:00:00.000-07:00

I'm just a little bit caught in the middle
Life is a maze and love is a riddle
I don't know where to go I can't do it alone I've tried
And I don't know why

Slow it down
Make it stop--
Or else my heart is going to pop
'Cause it's too much
Yeah, it's a lot
To be something I'm not

I'm a fool
Out of love
'Cause I just can't get enough

I'm just a little bit caught in the middle
Life is a maze and love is a riddle
I don't know where to go I can't do it alone I've tried
And I don't know why

I am just a little girl lost in the moment
I'm so scared but I don't show it
I can't figure it out
It's bringing me down I know
I've got to let it go
And just enjoy the show 

The sun is hot
In the sky
Just like a giant spotlight
The people follow the signs
And synchronize in time
It's a joke
Nobody knows
They've got a ticket to that show
Yeah

Eat, Pray, Love

2010-10-30T22:23:00.000-07:00

*Attraversiamo*

~cossing over~

can I ?

金句之中的金句

2010-10-28T10:09:00.000-07:00

1)世界上最动听的话不是我爱你,而是你的肿瘤是良性的

2)开心了就笑,不开心了就过会儿再笑

3)上帝给了我们七情六欲,我们却把它们变成了色情与暴力

4)废话是人际关系的第一句

5)看透别说透、继续做朋友

6)当我们把情感更多的放在友情爱情上可往往最后能让你感动的只有亲情

7)至今为止,地球仍在我的脚下

8)有尿当尿直须尿.莫等无尿空抖鸟

9)名花虽有主,我来松松土,名花有主,锄头无情

10)我们只有一个地球,所以大家要爱护地球,地球上只有一个我,所以大家也要爱护我

11)世界上唯一不用努力就能得到的只有年龄

12)如果可能的话,更强一些,宁可强的让人羡慕,也不能弱得让人可怜

13)你不能让所有的人满意,因为不一定所有的都是人

14)我不能做到我所希望的一切,但是我应该做好我可以做到的一切

15)你叫我滚,我滚了,你叫我回来,对不起滚远了

16)想知道一个人的内心缺少什么,不看别的,就看他炫耀什么。想知道一个人自卑什么,不看别的,就看他掩饰什么

17)在你头上拉屎的未必是敌人把你从屎堆拉出来的未必是朋友

18)大起大悲看清自己、大起大落看清朋友

19)不该看的不看,不该说的不说,不该听的不听,不该想的不想,请专心致志的做你该做的事

20)人不可以把钱带进坟墓。但钱可以把人带进坟墓

21)无论什么时候打电话,摘起话筒的时候请微笑,因为对方能感觉到

22)假如有个人愿在自己身边,就算没有任何语言只是在身边,我也觉得是一种幸福，即使失去了一切,只要停下脚步看一下四周，一定会有某个人在你看得见的地方。请别伤心、不要绝望,无论如何也请别忘记,自己决不是孤单一人的

23)拥有一颗知足的心,知足者常乐。若想得到快乐,就别让自己过得无精打采,想要获得快乐,不是增加财富,而是降低欲望

24)最好的关系存在于对别人的爱胜于对别人的索求之上

25)小时候我们把玩具当朋友、长大了朋友拿我们当玩具

Hang on Little Tomato

2010-10-12T06:30:00.000-07:00

The sun has left and forgotten me
It's dark, I cannot see
Why does this rain pour down
I'm gonna drown
In a sea
Of deep confusion

Somebody told me, I don't know who
Whenever you are sad and blue
And you're feeling all alone and left behind
Just take a look inside and you will find

You gotta hold on, hold on through the night
Hang on, things will be all right
Even when it's dark
And not a bit of sparkling
Sing-song sunshine from above
Spreading rays of sunny love

Just hang on, hang on to the vine
Stay on, soon you'll be divine
If you start to cry, look up to the sky
Something's coming up ahead
To turn your tears to dew instead

And so I hold on to his advice
When change is hard and not so nice
You listen to your heart the whole night through
Your sunny someday will come one day soon to you

特别分享之《爱情荒》

2010-10-02T21:45:00.000-07:00

《爱情荒》by 曾国辉

曾经爱住在离我们不远的地方
浪费这幸福的资源挥霍着时光
谁和谁很好不要就不要
以为永远就永远不老
如今整个世界都在闹着爱情荒
敢和盗两个梦都要
坚持快坚持不了只能祷告

我不要因为孤单而拥抱
因为渴望而寻找
随便找个人靠
我知道还有人和我一样
等待就是唯一的力量
心中存活着一些希望
解救我对真爱的信仰

当初我们爱到什么都随手可怕
因为问题也会随时间偷偷溜掉
堆积着烦恼是与非颠倒
爱都快没了还在骄傲

如今整个世界都在闹着爱情荒
我真的有被寂寞到
爱不是爱是需要
越陷越糟

我不要因为孤单而拥抱
因为渴望而寻找
随便找个人靠
我知道还有人和我一样
等待就是唯一的力量
心中存活着一些希望
解救我对真爱的信仰

特别分享之《伴》

2010-10-02T21:27:00.000-07:00

《伴》by 黄小琥 (p/s: 又是姚若龙的词噢，超赞！）

如果命运可以定做
如果有另一次选择
我想我还是会把手让你紧握
快乐的陪你去坎坷
就算你有天变落魄
就算你老的不能动
我想我还是会挽着你看日落
你的心疼在泪光中

嘴巴上彼此嫌麻烦
眼神中关怀那么满
没说爱却早已认定一辈子的伴
在人前从来不浪漫
在心中却总为对方打算
最懂的人最暖的伴


就算我以后变罗嗦
就算我老了有病痛
我想你还是会照顾我到最后
隐藏最弱不眠不休

嘴巴上彼此嫌麻烦
眼神中关怀那么满
没说爱却早已认定一辈子的伴
在人前从来不浪漫
在心中却总为对方打算
最懂的人最暖的伴


嘴巴上彼此嫌麻烦
眼神中关怀那么满
没说爱却早已认定一辈子的伴
在人前从来不浪漫
在心中却总为对方打算
最懂的人最暖的伴

哦
没有辛酸，没有遗憾
什么是陪伴，什么是心安
你是答案

（我想：每个人在漫漫人生中总该有类似的伴，时而像家人般温馨，时而像朋友般浪漫；
不说出口，用行动实践的爱，才值得歌颂，不是吗？）

Perfect Strangers

2010-10-02T19:04:00.000-07:00

they are people that u don't know,
people that u have met just once,
and u probably won't meet them again,
they are just the passengers in ur life,
perhaps just mere dots in ur galaxy of life,
but they leave some kind of memory that u probably will remember for the rest of ur life...

yes, they are just strangers in ur life,
and they came to fit into ur life at that perfect moment,
i call them 'perfect strangers'...

i was having dinner in a vege restaurant wif my sis n a fren yesterday.
it was a small cozy cafe that could accomodate probably less than 30 people.
there was a big group of family celebrating their kid's (they'r twins) one-year-old birthday.
there were so many kids in the family n its an elating n warm feeling to see them running, screaming, crying n at times smiling n laughing... its a scene that iv always been fantasizing...

it was such a coincidence that one of the twins actually had the same name as mine, and i could not stop myself from shooting photos with her... the lovely mum even cut 3 slices of the birthday cake for 3 of us... (p/s: i might not know u n neither u did, but u touched my heart, thank u)

then i recalled another encounter with another stranger in my life...
he's a sales executive that had won the top sales for his company for 3 consecutive years.
i would not elaborate further here but i really learned an important lesson in my life...
"how far u can grow depends on how far u can go",
"there's no best thing on earth, there's only better thing",
"never let yourself to have any chance to be lonely or empty, life is too short"
"don't feel guilty for wat u want in life, because u deserve it"
n etc n etc...

these were simple theories but its an irony to let a stranger to remind u,
and it was only then that i realised that iv been 'torturing' myself,
we should really love ourselves more...
that nite i had perhaps the soundest sleep for the past few months...
(p/s: i might not understand u well n neither u did, but ur words mean a lot, thank u)

there's another incidence few years back when i first started to drive on road...
it was an uneventful nite in which i was driving alone...
then there was this car tailing my car on my way home...
thinking of the possible danger to myself,
i sped along the road but the car seemed to follow my speed as well...

i thought it was a relief that finally i reached my parking bay n prepared to board down...
it was to my terror that i realised,
from my rear mirror, that the car was there!!!
oh gosh, should i get down??
there's no time for me to think so,
the guy was standing next to my window...
it's too late...

gasping for air n holding my breath,
i opened my car door as he did not seem to have any noxious intention...
"miss, did u realise that u have been switching on the 'high-light' of ur car?? n its glaring!!!"
i broke into laughters recalling my paranoid idea towards such a kind stranger...
n he taught me about the lights in my car so that i would use them appropriately next time...
then i realised that his wife was waiting for him in their car....
what a lovely couple...
(p/s: i might be just another ignorant road user that u could probably ignore, but u chose to teach me a lesson, thank u)

all in all, im not saying that we should trust or be-friend strangers easily,
but some passengers in our lives are worth to remember...

*deparing to kl soon, to start off a new sem,
wat a heavy feeling, again...*

*may everything goes well ahead*

*amitabha*

2010-08-02T23:37:00.000-07:00

jus realised that iv not been sharing my medical school life for quite some time d...
2day at least i have some materials to write here.

iv never tot of being a surgeon, and 2day's incidence had consolidated my belief even more.
few hours had relapsed since the autopsies i "performed" (more accurately, jus assisted by observing more closely) tis morning, but the bodies' smell still lingering in my mind.

we've done 2 post-mortems 2day, the first one was a Philipine lady who was postulated to be sexually assaulted and killed. i would like to express my deepest sorrow to her encounterment and da biggest rage and resentment to whoever done tis to her.

the 2nd case was an 8-month old infant whose cause of death remained pending for lab results. it's kinda rare to see a paediatric case so the doctors wanted us to involve and learn more. i was startled when the dr asked us to make a vertical cut from the infant's chest down till her pelvis. holding the knife, i could feel my heart racing and without me realising it, my hand was trembling as well. i placed the sharp knife on the baby's chest, but couldn make any cut downwards. i was too weak (perhaps not physically) inside that i felt sorry for her if i were to do so (it's a delusional thought, but i jus couldn do it, i felt her pain). at last i gave up... n no one else dared to try as well.

i tot the dr had given up upon me after my silly act, but instead he asked me to separate the baby's scalp from her skull. thank God i managed to do it although i could see some blood oozing out. the baby's brain was extracted by putting her head into a water basin (differs from the adult method).

the autopsy went on smoothly. then i came to almost the end at the suturing part. we were asked to rotate among ourselves to do the suturing. it was the first time that i sutured on a 'real' flesh. omg my frens told me that my hands were trembling, again!!! wat an embarrassment! i volunteered to do most part of the suturing to reduce the tremor. finally iv gained control over the suturing hand but realised that the other hand holding the forceps were still vibrating. imagine what will happen in future if i am to suture ppl's perineum in O&G. oh no!!!

in conclusion, it was a new and fresh experience. but i still could not cultivate any interest in forensic medicine. now that iv completed signing my card, it's a relief that i dun have to step into the post-mortem room in short-term.
p/s: the smell can really grab away ur appetite whole day long, and even weeks or months.

may the deceased rest in peace.
Amitabha.

omg... this is so ME!!!

2010-07-09T23:22:00.000-07:00

射手女生可能永远也不会知道自己想要的是什么，但是她一直都很清楚，她不想要的是什么。　她总喜欢做幕后的看客，冷冷地，静静地看着一切，在她眼里，一切都在她的意料之中，她并不觉得有什么是新奇的，如果她表现得新奇，那是因为她觉得应该这样做。她像一个看戏的人，永远置身事外。

你不要责怪她冷漠，这是她保护自己的唯一方式。她像一只刺猬，随时竖起自己身上的刺，但她的刺不会伤人，她只是用来武装自己。她不敢要太多的爱，她怕享受完爱之后，剩下的只是加倍的痛。所以当别人对她过度宠爱时，她不但不会欣喜，反而会惊惧地逃走，她不知道怎样回报别人对她的爱，如果你得到她的喜爱，那是因为她已经知道如何面对，如何回报了。她追求那种君子之交淡如水的境界。
　
她懂得爱人，但她不习惯爱人，她知道爱往往伴随着恨，而恨，是太沉重的伤痛，也是太容易让人疲倦的感情。她不想痛，也就懒得去恨，于是，为了防范恨与痛的到来，她只好选择不爱，即使爱，也是淡淡的，冷冷的。别怪她，她是真的不知道如何专注。　

她有时也很虚伪。不要指责她，她之所以选择虚伪，那是你勉强她做她不愿做但又拒绝不了的事，她不习惯承诺，也不懂得拒绝，她最擅长的是难为自己。她不想你难过，只好令自己难过。　

她总是固执地认为自己有超乎寻常的承受力，她将自己想得太坚强，而把别人想得太脆弱。她老是担心自己的行为会让别人受到伤害。她不知道，受伤的其实是自己。只是她不知道如何表现出来，她迷糊得像别人所认为的那样，将自己当成一个百毒不侵的人。　

别以为她很洒脱，很多时候，她其实是放不下的—她比任何人都要敏感，都要细腻，但她不会让你知道，她明白，即使你知道了，也是无济于事。她的心是把握不住的风，她渴望像风一样单纯而自由。

她不是不想平静，她只是找不到平静的理由，她> 一生都无法明确自己在人世要扮演的角色，她只有不停地寻求，寻求自己最终的目的。如果她找到了，她会毫不犹豫地停下来，从此放弃心灵的漂泊。很遗憾，她永远也不会满足，她的追求永不停止。她的心再累，无法逼迫自己放弃梦想，梦想是她唯一的支撑点。

千万别让她失望。因为她学不会原谅，她非常渴求完美，虽然她知道世间没有绝对的完美，但，她有绝对追求完美的执着。你若令她失望，她会不可挽回地离开，即使她的心在滴血，即使痛楚重得要压垮她的生命，她也绝不回头。

那个时候，你在她脸上所看到的，是让人寒心的决绝。即使她还在你的身边，她的心也早就离你十万八千里，你看不到她的恨，但是你会感受到比恨还让人痛苦的冷淡。她的离开是心灵的离开。她可以在前半分钟对你好得让你受宠若惊，也可以在后半钟冷漠得让你不可接受。不要问她为什么这样善变，她也不知道。

当你看到她在疯狂地快乐或悲伤时，千万不要迷惑，不管她看起来是多么的疯狂，她内心其实是冷静的，她比你们任何一个旁观者更知道如何处理快乐与悲伤，她只是习惯—也可以说是喜欢将一切都变得疯狂。

因为她觉得这是义务，也是权利，她是制造气氛的能手，她的一句俏皮话会让一切轻快起来，但她的一声叹息又会将一切都弄得很沉重。她总是不由自主地交错操纵着快乐与忧郁.

她并不如你们看到的那么快乐，同样，也不如你们看到的那么忧伤，只是，她忧郁时，喜欢带上快乐的面具，而当她快乐时，忧郁又不肯轻易放过她。

在她的世界里，盛着的不是快乐的源泉，而是她不愿在人前滴下的泪水。你看到的她，笑起来像一个孩子，你有时会认为她天真得像是童话里走出来的天使。但是，你若有心，你会看到她沉静时脸上挥之不去的忧伤，还有她的眼底，竟那么凝重地积压着一种看破红尘的味道。

她只有在午夜无人的时候，才会完全地释放自己。她不会在众目睽睽之下表露她的无助，她的彷徨，她的沧桑。

她心里的，是永远流不尽的泪。你所看到的坚强，只是她在竭力掩饰的脆弱。

2010-07-05T08:26:00.000-07:00

每个人.某个人.任何人.没有人!!!

2010-06-03T10:08:00.000-07:00

低潮期。。现在。。真的是吗？

最近好像发生了好多好多事，
不晓得是否想太多还是突然太感性，
眼泪好像快决堤了。。。

不，这不是我，
我不该抱怨的，
因为还有很多人比自己不幸。。。

我该知足的。。。

但是，真的好累。。。

请容许我任性一次。。。

世界上有四个人

每个人.某个人.任何人.没有人。

有一项重要的任务，

要求每个人去做，

每个人都以为某个人会去做，

本来任何人都可以完成这项工作，

但是没有人去做，

某个人对此感到愤怒，

因为这是每个人的工作，

每个人以为任何人都可以完成这项工作，

但是没有人意识到每个人不可能完成他，

最后每个人都责备某个人，

因为没有人做任何人都可以做到的事。

可能你会认为人往往都是自私的，
但是，
你会蓦然发现，
你或许已成为别人眼中，
那所谓 “自私”的人。。

HOW CAN I SERVE?

2010-05-26T10:42:00.000-07:00

the 3rd day in opthalmology posting:
attended an inspiring lecture by Prof.Muhaya (yes, it's her again since we last met her in 1st yr PPD camp, once my idol n now has become a public icon on TV!)

this is the pledge she asked us 2 embrace, which i think is something next 2 impossible for me LOL:
1. to be creative but not competitive
2. to be kind rather than right
3. to be loving
4. to be gentle
5. to be generous
6. to improve my attitude
7. to accept ppl for what they are

(yes, we are all trying 2 be better persons from day to day. n i guess... by this time of age, everyone will definitely be able 2 tell what's right n what's otherwise... it is the implementation of the advice that's difficult...)

i realised dat lectures of opthalmo are much lengthy than of the other postings, and so does the clinic... gues wat?? 2day started 2 stand in clinic for 4 hours in 1 go, and had my lunch at 330pm and ALONE(which looks weird in the hosp cafe)...damn it, so 'lucky' am I 2 b the only chinese in the group (no offence).life couldn be more miserable...

seeing patients in the clinic really punched a hole in my heart. i could see that they are in so much predicament and suffer, yet could do nothing other than watching them struggling to walk and tumbling down due to visual impairment and other co-morbidities. n they had 2 spend the whole morning waiting outside the clinic n sacrifice their lunches jus 2 hav a 5-min session with the opthalmologists for follow-up appointment. im not blaming anyone here... a normal person with conscience n compassion might be disheartened seeing this, and so did i...

may God bless them and alleviate them from suffering as such...
SERVICE IS JOY (quotable quote fr Prof Muhaya)
~amitabha~

有时候

2010-05-05T09:54:00.000-07:00

有时候，
交谈变得空洞，
沉默却像沟通。

有时候，
孤独可以寂寞，
也可以是自由。

有时候，
孤单是一个人的狂欢，
狂欢是一群人的孤单。

有时候，
不是不闻不问，
是因为不想知道答案？
还是害怕答案不是自己想要的？

有时候，
向往平淡无奇的生活，
是真的憧憬安居乐业？
还是想压抑内心深处渴望自由的自己？

有时候，
总爱回忆过去的点点滴滴，
是不是对未来不敢期待了？
还是害怕无法成为当初想象中的自己？

当然，
在‘有时候’以外的时候，
我们都忙着过着循例的生活，
忙着冲刺自我，
忙着随波逐流，
正所谓或在当下嘛，
并没有什么不好呀。。。
（能安慰自己的人，比较容易快乐）

还是希望人们能偶尔放慢脚步，
偶尔想想‘有时候’自己想要的；
而不是一味跟随别人的步伐，
成为他人精神上的奴隶。。。

特別分享 : 我不想念

2010-04-28T01:38:00.000-07:00

某個城　某條街　某一條小巷
某一個晚上　某閣樓　微微燈光
某個人　默默關上　某心房　某扇窗
跟沒有人　說晚安

夜　從前從來沒這麼長
床　荒涼的就像沒有邊疆
失眠　是枕頭之上無盡的流浪
天　永遠不亮

＊我不想念　不想念　他模樣
　我不想念　他肩膀　輕擁著我肩膀
　我不想念　他吻著我臉龐
　把永遠說成一顆糖＊

某空港　某車站某個下一站
某一扇車窗　某風景　喚醒惆悵
某南方　搖搖晃晃　某海洋　某艘船
誰沒妄想　有天堂

當　人活成了一棵仙人掌
掌　心的淚卻還是滾燙
每當　撫摸那些天真致命傷
恨　不能健忘

我不想念　不想念　那時光
那些快樂　和悲傷　卻總在我身旁
我只願長夜將盡天快亮
讓想念的歌不再唱

我只願長夜將盡天快亮
讓想念的歌不再唱
讓想念的歌不再傷
讓想念的歌不要再唱

Here from Taiwan

2010-04-19T22:54:00.000-07:00

hmm... cant really find a topic to write at the moment...
the only special thing about this post is that it is written here in Taiwan...

yea.. have been here for the 3rd week d...
it's a real nice feeling at here with nice weather, nice place and nice people.
people here are so carefree, enthusiastic, happy and most importantly, so POLITE...

cant believe that the doctors here are actually FRIENDS with their student!!!
they call their doctors 'xue zhang', 'xue jie' instead of 'Dr. XXX'....
can u imagine going wards and without being scolded or criticised? (it's next to impossible in our place)
and going clinics without having to stand? (our clinics do not have enough place to make us sit)

shall update more about Taiwan in the following posts with some pictures...

MALAYSIA　ＢＯＬＥＨ
ｂｕｔ
ＴＡＩＷＡＮ　Ｉ　ＬＯＶＥ　Ｕ　ｔｏｏ！！！

Violence >> STOP IT b4 it's too late!!!

2010-03-31T10:23:00.000-07:00

Violence is rearing its ugly face now and then, and is still in the air, probably with increasing severity from this moment to the next. Headlines of newspapers have been occupied by news of ‘people killing, people dying’, as if it is of no more suspense to the readers.

Life is so fragile, and we will never know when will it end, and how it terminates, with all those violent acts playing hysterically. You probably will not give this issue much thought until you come across one, when you witness one with your own eyes, when it happens in your surrounding, your close proximity.

Is there no other more appropriate way of solving a conflict? What will the world look like if everything is to be solved by inflicting pain on other’s body, mind and soul? Violence is like a revolving circle that knows no end unless you STOP the cycle itself, as the Chinese idiom:怨怨相报和时了 . Losing temper is just a LAME EXCUSE for those committing irrational acts. Hey buddy, If you have a brain with functioning neurons, let’s use it wisely!!! Why letting your emotion to rule your body and not the other way round??

By the way, is there anything called JUSTICE in this world? Will somebody stand up and voice up for the victims, or is there any law that can really scare those bastards away? Even so, I doubt whether it makes any difference. If the culprits were to be threatened by the word called LAW, they would not even have the gut to commit any crime, and the tragedy that they caused would not have occurred then!!!

"WORLD PEACE"

Is this possible?

Or just another strange words we come across in our text book?

Home sw33t Home

2010-03-03T18:59:00.000-08:00

yay yay...
departing to my beloved fantasy island, pulau pinang yang amat tercinta in 15 mins time...

the feeling was heavy when i was goin bc there 3 weeks ago for CNY with the stupid study wk in the midst... now i can totally immerse myself into the joy of homecoming!! will compensate whatever that i had not done for this CNY. the only thing i can now think of is eat, eat n eat...
penang food, miss u soooo much!!!

anyhow, still crossing fingers hoping that everything goes well and may every1 pass his or her final exam... if this really works, we shall yell: dear TAIWAN, we're coming!!!

有点意思

2010-02-25T09:22:00.000-08:00

最近爱上了一位写词人的歌词，不是林夕，不是林伟文，不是方文山，他是：姚若龙。。
请仔细咀嚼以下这几首歌的歌词：

《哭過就好了》 by 梁文音

不喜歡懷疑什麼並不表示我沒有感受
看你微妙的變化慢慢不同
我不是生氣只是心痛
最討厭被誤會了但越解釋越覺得難過
你可以說人會變但不能說你會這麼做是我的錯

哭過就好了傷都會好的
這樣相信所以深呼吸著割捨
愛是為了擁抱為了牽手
不是為了爭吵為了調頭
哭過就好了痛都會走的
記憶有限所以它會淘汰壞的
失眠聽歌想念雖然苦澀
還是謝謝你讓我長大...

《没那么简单》 by 黄小虎

没那麼简单就能找到聊得来的伴
尤其是在看过了那麼多的背叛
总是不安只好强悍
谁谋杀了我的浪漫

没那麼简单就能去爱别的全不看
变得实际也许好也许坏各一半
不爱孤单一久也习惯
不用担心谁也不用被谁管

感觉快乐就忙东忙西
感觉累了就放空自己
别人说的话随便听一听自己作决定
不想拥有太多情绪
一杯红酒配
在周末晚上关上了
手机舒服窝在沙发裡

相爱没有那麼容易每个人有他的脾气
过了爱作梦的年纪轰轰烈烈不如平静
幸福没有那麼容易才会特别让人著迷
什麼都不懂的年纪
曾经最掏心所以最开心曾经

想念最伤心但却最动心的记忆

《看得最遠的地方》 by 张韶涵

你是第一個發現我
越面無表情越是心裡難過
所以當我不肯落淚的顫抖
你會心疼的抱我在胸口

你比誰都還了解我
內心的渴望比表面來得多
所以當我跌斷翅膀的時候
你不扶我但陪我學忍痛

我要去看得最遠的地方
和你手舞足蹈聊夢想
像從來沒有失過望受過傷
還相信敢飛就有天空那樣

我要在看得最遠的地方
披第一道曙光在肩膀
被潑過太冷的雨滴和雪花
更堅持微笑要暖得像太陽

你比誰都還了解我
內心的渴望比表面來得多
所以當我跌斷翅膀的時候
你不扶我但陪我學忍痛

我要去看得最遠的地方
和你手舞足蹈聊夢想
像從來沒有失過望受過傷
還相信敢飛就有天空那樣

我要在看得最遠的地方
披第一道曙光在肩膀
被潑過太冷的雨滴和雪花
更堅持微笑要暖得像太陽

有時候覺得我們很不一樣
你能看見我到不到的地方
有時候又覺得我們很像
都愛仰起頭不聽命運的話

我要去看得最遠的地方
和你手舞足蹈聊夢想
像從來沒有失過望受過傷
還相信敢飛就有天空那樣

我要在看得最遠的地方
披第一道曙光在肩膀
被潑過太冷的雨滴和雪花
更堅持微笑要暖得像太陽

《下一個天亮 》by 郭静

用起伏的背影擋住哭泣的心

有些故事不必說給每個人聽

許多眼睛看的太淺太近

錯過我沒被看見那個自己

用簡單的言語解開超載的心

有些情緒是該說給懂的人聽

你的熱淚比我激動憐惜

我發誓要更努力更有勇氣

等下一個天亮去上次牽手賞花那裡散步好嗎

有些積雪會自己融化

你的肩膀是我豁達的天堂

等下一個天亮把偷拍我看海的照片送我好嗎

我喜歡我飛舞的頭髮

和飄著雨還是眺望的眼光

時間可以磨去我的稜角

有些堅持卻永遠磨不掉

請容許我小小的驕傲

因為有你這樣的依靠

Jom Kita Makan (JKM) @ 我们的故事

2010-02-23T07:05:00.000-08:00

Perhaps i should had written this 3 weeks ago before coming back from Tanjung Karang when my memories of my 2 months' life there were still fresh.That was probably the happiest moment in my life as a medical student: no worries from waking up late, being late for lectures, pressure and expectations from doctors, and the best parts are,unlimited access to seafood and a bunch of nice friends being my fellow posting mates.

These are from one of the seaside restaurants (more like a kopitiam) located in Bagan Tengkorak. The environment was unremarkable and the service was so so BUT the food was really NICE!! 5 star rating for the food...

Another must-try was the satay in Satay Hut which is one of the best-known restaurants selling Malay food. The selling point was that the satays were really LARGE in size and they tasted heavenly perfect with the specially made kuah. Some even said that they tasted better than the satays in Kajang, Thumbs up!!

Then there was this very well-known and famous Nasi Ambeng originated from Johor. It was basically a combination of 4 food : mee goreng, ayam goreng plus another 2 side dishes of which i could not recognise. Despite its renowned reputation, i found it average n not really worth a try (no offence, oops).

There is another restaurant called 色香味海鲜楼. The food was average and the price was quite resonable for a casual dinner.

BUT, if u want to pamper your taste buds once in a while, u should go here : Restaurant Kuala Selangor in Pasir Penambang. Every single dish is temptatious and the Fried Sotong topped with Mayonnaise was simple IRRESISTABLE!!! The price was slightly high compared to the other restaurants but it was much worth trying.

On the last day before leaving, all of us (19 people all together) went to Sekinchan for a reunion lunch in a restaurant called Jian Chye. The specialty was shark porridge and it was worth trying as well.

The life over there was not just about food. We did not forget to go to the tourist spot Bukit Melawati. It was yet another historical place but one thing that caught our attention was the monkeys there which they called 'lotong'. They were so tame and the baby monkeys were sooooo CUTE!!

One of the outdoor activities that i enjoyed most was KAYAKing. I have forgotten the name of the place but it was somewhere near Batang Berjuntai if not mistaken. The only downside was that, I had indeed becane darker after the activity and it took weeks before i could regain my original complexion!!

All in all, i really had enjoyed my life over there. It would be just nice for a short vacation to escape from the hassle and buzzer in KL but i stil could not cultivate much interest in the posting itself. Anyway thanks to the authority who gave us this opprtunity to compile another chapter of our lives.

累了。。

2010-02-23T05:51:00.000-08:00

我把我自己
关在自己的世界
我的世界不会有人懂得怎么进来

我住在只有我一个人的城堡
树立在城堡外的围墙高高的
这样的话，我可以好好保护自己

这样子的话，我真的觉得很不错
反正，从来就没有人会试着去了解我
他们往往，只懂得误解我

我真的没有失去什么
我仅是失去我自己
但我不晓得，
在我失去自己的时候，
我已经失去了所有

于是，我累了。
我真的累了。
于是，我不再期待了。

RANDOM's random thoughts

2010-01-28T07:47:00.000-08:00

An idle mind is indeed the devil’s workshop, as the saying goes.

Too many thoughts have been lingering in my idle mind since… (perhaps yesterday?)

In fact im not thinking of anything ‘devil’, but somehow the mind has been stuffed with those trivial thoughts that would not make any difference even if I had swept them under the carpet.

have been thinking of...
~the holidays after my finals, of which im anticipating but not sure whether I can really enjoy.
~the Kumar & Clark Clinical Medicine which is definitely thinner than Stephanie Meyer’s Twilight or New Moon but I’v never be able to read until the last page.
~the ECG Made Easy which is not so easy after all when u’v just finished the first chapter.
~the Medicine n Society notes which are always so hypnotizing and boring just as the posting itself.
~the little keyboard at home that iv left since childhood, of which iv not been touching for years but hoping to learn playing it tis time, seriously.
~my family members who are 360km away from me, whom I’v just met 2 weeks ago but it feels like years since I last talked to them.
~the people that I’v left behind my mind and who have probably deleted me out of their minds too.
~the permata swimming centre where I used to swim and play badminton every wk.
~my yoga mat that has been declared invisible 3 years ago.
~the days when I worked as a barista in Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf along with the soothing jazz music . sometimes even trying to recall the SOP of making an espresso, a macchiato, or perhaps Americano, an ice-blended Belgium Choc, foam-filled cappuccino, brewing regular roast or stewing a jar of fruit tea…
~and many more of which I could not write down in words since there are too many of them.
~and etc...

those subtle thoughts are driving me insomnic at times...

now, I just want to:
~crumble up those thoughts,
~or tear them into pieces,
~or burn them into ashes,
~or throw them into whatever incinerator
~or let them carried away by Radicare or whatsoever...

Let’s unleash those thoughts when their time comes, obviously not now when im goin to dive in my dream river.

Let me have a tight sleep tonight, and the nights that follow...

见苦知福

2010-01-09T01:19:00.000-08:00

今天到一家爱滋病院探访患者，深深领悟此静思语。

常常抱怨生活里种种的不足，

但是，

当生命的长度变成倒数的号码时，这些芝麻小事何足挂齿？

突然想起《一公升眼泪》里的一句话：

“跌倒了，自己爬起来，蓝蓝的天空依然对着你微笑”。

(taken in tanjung karang, 8am)

原来我是幸运的。

原来我是幸福的。

~阿弥陀佛~

特别分享之《然后怎样》

2010-01-01T19:28:00.000-08:00

完成了所谓的理想
放纵了情绪的泛滥
汗都流干天都微亮然后怎样
拥有了旅行的空档
却遗失流浪的背囊
沿着轨道一直流浪然后怎样
假期过完有什么打算
走过一个天堂少一个方向
谁在摧我成长让我失去迷途的胆量

我怕谁失望我为谁而忙
我最初只贪玩为何变负担
为何我的问题总得等待别人的答案
我的快乐时代唱烂
才领悟代价多高昂
不能满足不敢停站然后怎样

-----------------------------------------------

总是为自己设下许多目标，大的小的都有。

完成了一个，就很自然的拟定下一个。

“接下来有什么打算？”这句话不知听了好几回。

人们总害怕在生命中失去奋斗的目标，

害怕失去活下去的意义，

害怕失去盘旋的重心，

害怕迷失自我；

因为大家都相信，“人因梦想而伟大”。

可是，

当梦想都实现后，

就会有另一个梦想的诞生，

然后，

人们又开始奋斗了，

然后，

梦想又实现了，

然后，

此轮徊又不断的被重复着。

然后，

怎样？？

回忆与时间

2010-01-01T07:39:00.000-08:00

回忆是件沉重的事，

跟思念一样，

也是有重量的。

回忆是时间的函数，

但时间的方向永远朝后，

回忆的方向却一定往前。

两者都只有一个方向，

但方向却相反。

（摘自于蔡智恒之《蠏寄生》）

it's 2010!!!

2009-12-31T08:20:00.000-08:00

well, there's actually nothing to exclaim about as in the title above (just could not think of any better punctuation mark)...

it's 25 minutes past year 2009 and i have been sitting in front of my laptop for 2 hours doing literally nothing. no outing, no counting down and no any form of celebration. perhaps this is a more comfortable way of welcoming the new year instead of counting down with the crowd that we don't know, who will indeed add more emptiness to the already empty festival itself, LOL...

few hours ago i was still in tanjung karang (it's located near kuala selangor n it's the place that i will b in for the next 2 months doing my medicine n society posting). people said it's a honey-moon posting but i had not cultivated any interest in this posting YET, but i hope that i'l b enjoying it for the next 6 weeks.

being there for almost 1 week, frankly speaking i have nothing much 2 complain about the life there except boring lectures that could really kill. it's one of those rare times in my life as a medical student where i can b a couch potato n sleep (n of course eat) without any guilt. it's like a vacation in those countryside chalets (well, girls' rooms are air-conditioned, poor boys) where u can really sit back n relax.

back to our new year topic...

should i have at least some new year resolutions?

my ans: no after realising that i had none of my resolutions fulfilled last year.

thus my conclusion for this yr: the best resolution is to have no resolution at all since we don't know what is coming after us in life (right?). but hopefully il b a better me or at least not becoming worse (kinda abstract huh).

*happy (possible? i doubt) new year*

Tenji buffet @ Soho

2009-12-22T09:52:00.000-08:00

(p/s: this is supposed to b posted last week)

well, it's the moment that everyone in our posting has been waiting for...
yup, it's the first day of JKM posting for us after 3 successive postings of non-stop clerking patients and 'warding'. bye bye to white coat and wards for 2 months.

the last lecture ended at ard 1pm and we promptly started our journey to mont kiara, a place that i had never been b4 and we were all stunned by the magnificent view of the buildings there. an ideal place to live in if u have enough asset.

here we go...

My 'main course' of the day:
seafood (i grabbed lots of crabs in it, huhu) bottomed with miso soup (my 'must have' for japanese meal)

our '1st round' (only half of it is shown here):

Japanese cheesecake(s)

some kind of muesli i guess and....

they tasted nice!!

scallops topped with peanut butter

(what a weird combination and they tasted as weird as they looked)

i created my own 'fundae'

Haegen-daez green-tea n strawberry ice-cream

~simply

irresistable~

ketam o ketam

Japanese snail

fresh (aka uncooked) oyster

(i held my breath to finish it, kinda disgusting)

finally, merry xmas!!!

God i need Your blessings...

2009-12-12T09:48:00.000-08:00

2 more days... then that's it...

every1 else is going back for holidays but im stil here with my fellow posting-mates, yet 2 sit for the short case examination next wk...

God, i really need ur blessings,

may i not getting tough examiners,

may the patients cooperate,

may i not panicked,

may i finish everything in time,

and may everything goes smooth...

pls, pls, pls....

~amitabha~

*exhausted*

~happy (belated) birthday~

2009-12-12T06:35:00.000-08:00

feMALE and woMAN

2009-12-09T10:13:00.000-08:00

Woman has Man in it;

Mrs. has Mr . in it;

Female has Male in it;

She has He in it;

Madam has Adam in it;

Okay, Okay, it all makes sense now...

I never looked at it this way before:

Ever notice how all of women's problems start with MEN?

MEN tal illness

MEN strual cramps

MEN tal breakdown

MEN opause

GUY necologist

AND ...

When we have REAL trouble, it's a HISterectomy.

21st Century FACTS

2009-12-09T09:59:00.001-08:00

Our communication - Wireless

Our phones - Cordless

Our cooking - Fireless

Our food - Fatless

Our Sweets - Sugarless

Our labor - Effortless

Our relations - Fruitless

Our attitude - Careless

Our feelings - Heartless

Our politics - Shameless

Our education - Worthless

Our Mistakes - Countless

Our arguments - Baseless

Our youth - Jobless

Our Boss - Brainless

Our Jobs - Thankless

Our Needs - Endless

Our situation - Hopeless

Our Salaries - Less and less

bloody o bloody...

2009-12-09T07:20:00.000-08:00

today, iv managed to draw a blood sample for coagulation profile from a patient on warfarin, FINALLY.... not 'tatooing' the patient, not causing bulging of vein, no inadequate blood sample, no needle-prick injury n with glove ON..

i know it's just a small matter for a medical student, and every medical student under the sky would manage to do so without much hassle. its definitely not a big issue but somehow i have a boost in self-esteem each time i manage to carry out a procedure. it's indeed disheartening to cause pain to the patient each time failing to do so.

well, we had been taught to learn from mistakes, but i really feel bad when each misconduct we do (sounds nicer if i call it 'experience'?) is causing pain and inflicting torment in our patients, though i know it's impossible to succeed in every procedure, even with experienced hand.

another flattering event today was that one of the patients actually called me as her 'grand-daughter' hahaha.... i could really feel her warm heart when she actually holded my hand so tightly that i felt that everything i do is worthwhile, and i shall stop complaining about the 'suffering' as a medical student, as medicine is a field that is so rewarding that u would not have the thought of quitting it if u have enough passion (of which im lack too sometimes). i know its hard but i hope that all of us could maintain the 'ignition' till the end by not giving up (although iv been so 'duo luo' for so many days, with the short case exam on next week, *a slap on my face*)..

there it came another uncle (we called him uncle with 'a special heart', as he has dextrocardia, a very rare cardiological condition), who asked me to buy some biscuits and breads for him b4 doing a physical examination. he was so glad when i 'accomplished my task' and thank us non-stop. sometimes its not about the reward u get when helping others, but the satisfaction u get at the end of the day that counts. as the saying goes, "the truth about happiness is that, it has to be given to others first, before u can finally possess it".

well, looks like i really have to stop here. have to summarize 2 cases for my logbook n to finish my um express for the coming short case.

till then, will update more about my life as a medical student.

goodnight to the planet called Earth, and good morning to myself.

+oil, +oil...

craving for ice

2009-12-06T06:43:00.000-08:00

omg i cant believe that i actually went to 100yen AGAIN today, just to have a bite of the snowy which i wrote in my last post.

oops its sharon staring at me...

still waiting for my snowy 2 b served...

milky flavored snowy topped with chocolate chips and choc syrup..

~slurrrrpp~

as iv promised: green-tea flavored snowy with red beans (sharon's favorite)

snapped this from another corner of the counter.

look, it's even cuter than the one i caught yesterday!
i want it for my X'mas present!!!

特别分享之《低调》

2009-12-06T03:01:00.000-08:00

嬉笑打闹拥抱
留下了那么多开心合照
互相取暖依靠熬过了最低潮
一起生活也一起埋怨过
走过最好与最糟
我在心里想的不用说明你知道

晨昏日夜颠倒
这房子突然没从前热闹
散落一地微笑没有人去打扫
感情很微妙再多付出也好
再多关心都徒劳
爱情从来就没有固定的味道
它最后停在哪里谁知道

我的难过是如此低调
因为不想打扰

我在寂寞的墙角
努力的对自己好

你用微笑回报
朋友或情人不重要
我的悲伤是如此低调傻子才会哭闹
就算你发现也好
我想你一定会选择假装不知道
只怕我自己的掩饰不够好
难到是我对我自己不够好

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

这首歌的歌词，阿管写得实在太棒了。

难过，失落，落寞等负面情绪，

留给自己，就够了;

自己感伤，就好了；

把情绪加诸于别人，是不对的；

把快乐都留给自己，是自私的。

因为这世界是现实的，

它只爱面带笑容的你，

它厌倦面容憔悴的你。

所以，

难过，低调就好。

至少，我对得起这世界；

至少，我还算是开心的。

early Xmas dinner '09

2009-12-05T09:00:00.000-08:00

well, went 4 a simple dinner in station 1 cafe but it turned out to be an X-mas meal as the restaurant was doing a promotion with Xmas set.

price: rm 28.90 (excluding tax, but stil affortable)

starter: mushroom soup

drink: jasmine iced-tea (my all-time favourite)

main course : fried chicken (could not appreciate the exact flavour) with "merry xmas" on top, with a layer of mashed potato across the middle of the chic (cool), side dishes including coleslaw and a thai-flavored pasta (kinda weird combination)

dessert: chocolate-flavored (other options: yam,strawberry) ice-cream topped with choc syrup

free-gift: an Xmas teddy bear (yes it's free)

lucky draw (scratch n win): "merry christmas" meaning sorry pls cm again nx tm kakaka...

-------------------------------------------------------------

later on, went to 100yen (a japanese-themed frachised convenient store) for some ice...
ordered a mango-flavored snow-mountain. man... the texture really nice, will definitely revisit it agian. my next target: green tea snow-mountain, yuhoo!!

before we called it a day, took tis very cute deco in front of the store, and in front of the storekeeper. its a mercy she did not chase us out wakaka... (she should thank me for doing a free promotion for the shop)

好想。回家。

2009-12-04T23:08:00.000-08:00

这里很好，
真的很好，
天空很蓝，
夜景很美，
吃喝玩乐，
什么都不缺。

但是，
这里不是我家，
这里的每一寸土地都很不踏实，
这里的每一面风景都好陌生，
这里的空气让人濒临窒息，
这里的一切让人日渐麻木。

我并不是想抱怨些什么，
就如我说的，这里真的很好，
就少了那么一点点...

我只想，
回家，
回到属于自己的地方。

points to ponder

2009-12-04T07:06:00.000-08:00

也许向往自由的你，会让他人受到伤害。(飞走了，它就淹死了)

你或许和周围的人不一样，别人为了生活忙碌，你却想着怎么飞走

伤了不表示你从此不能再飞

你能搬得动梦想！

有捷径就别大费周章

自由原来是另一种束缚。

惯性思维，会让人变的迟钝的一种东西。

善待别人就是善待自己。

特别分享之《可惜不是你》

2009-12-03T07:16:00.000-08:00

这一刻突然觉得好熟悉
像昨天今天同时在放映
我这句语气原来好像你
不就是我们爱过的证据

差一点骗了自己骗了你
爱与被爱不一定成正比
我知道被疼是一种运气
但我无法完全交出自己
努力为你改变
却变不了预留的伏线
以为在你身边那也算永远
仿佛还是昨天
可是昨天已非常遥远
但闭上我双眼我还看得见

可惜不是你
陪我到最后
曾一起走却走失那路口
感谢那是你
牵过我的手
还能感受那温柔

那一段我们曾心贴着心
我想我更有权利关心你
可能你已走进别人风景
多希望也有星光的投影
努力为你改变
却变不了预留的伏线
以为在你身边那也算永远
仿佛还是昨天
可是昨天已非常遥远
但闭上我双眼我还看得见

可惜不是你
陪我到最后
曾一起走却走失那路口
感谢那是你
牵过我的手
还能感受那温柔

可惜不是你
陪我到最后
曾一起走却走失那路口
感谢那是你
牵过我的手
还能感受那温柔
感谢那是你
牵过我的手
还能温暖我胸口

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
重新爱上这首梁静茹的旧作，心里掀了片刻...
总是有太多可惜，让许多事情与人物，到后来也许只是蓦然回首时的擦肩而过。
当时执着与坚信的一切，往往是往后某年某月某一天，自嘲当初太年少轻狂的笑料，到最后连那么一点回味的心情都省下来了。
是的，很多时候，故事还没到达终点，下一刻会发生的事情永远是未知数。

藤井树在《六弄咖啡馆》里写道：“...只是不太勇敢的我们，总让许多缘分在岁月中蹉跎... 我很庆幸的是你一直把我留在身边，但失落的是，我从来都不是你的谁...”虽然并非亲身经验，但故事书翻到最后一页时，酸酸的滋味还是不禁涌上心头。回忆就像午后响起的春雷，总让人怦然心跳；总有些人，有些事或许曾经在你心中占据一些位置，但想回到过去？已经没有勇气了，那份感动也已经销声匿迹了。到头来，回忆，就真的只是回忆。

可惜我没问过自己想要些什么，
可惜我没曾对自己感觉诚实过，
可惜我只是个胆小鬼，
可惜我只会说可惜，

可惜...
不是你...

from sharon

2009-11-30T07:12:00.000-08:00

...tO my dEar...

...haPPy 22nd bfDay...

-1-

...maY aLL ur dreAms c0me...

-2-

...maY ur whIte hoRse pRince f0unD u so0n...

-3-

...maY uR daYs b fiLLed with laughter,sunsHine,rainBow,sWeets and cAndy...

-4-

...maY u sTay happY everyDay...

-5-

...May u kOngxu nO mOre...

-6-

...MaY u becOme a greaT doctor 1 daY...

-7-

...maY aLL ur sorrOws be swePt awaY...

-8-

...sTay preTTy alWays...

-9-

...dun JuSt c0unt Ur yeaRs..make It counT...

-10-

...eat more,driNk more n Play moRe...

-11-

...sTay heaLthy too...

-12-

...nO moRe hOmesick toO...

-13-

...maY aLL ur worriEs go aWay...

-14-

...A simple calculation on how long we will be friends...cOunt the starS in heaven+sand on shore multipled by the heartbeats = forever!...

-15-

...LoVe u aLways...

-16-

...maY u haV ntg to wHine...

-17-

...maKe ur mOm's sacRifice n pAin 22 years aGo coUnt n wOrth it...

-18-

...Count your life by smiles, not tears...Count your age by friends, not years....

-19-

...May each N every passing year bring you wisdom, peace and chEer...

-20-

...Age is not a destination. It's a journey!...maY ur j0urneY B a w0nderFul 1...

-21-

...God bLess u aLways...

-22-

...lasTly,haV a BlasT toDay...

-with lOve,kisseS N huGss-

PRE-22

2009-11-28T09:28:00.000-08:00

today is (or was?) a special day.

i had my pre-birthday celebration with my coursemates in Chilie's @ mid valley.
initially i tot it would be a small group gathering with hengling (my rmmate) n sharon wif her lil sis 4 a simple dinner. a small part of me even thought that my rmmate organised this as a form of 'penebusan dosa' since she scratched my car accidentally 2 days ago lol..

but when the 2 of my housemates brought me into the restaurant n i stepped my feet inside the small lounge booked earlier, i would say that i had quite a shock when i realised the familiar faces of my posting mates (su yee, jing fen, chin sheng, xiao fung, connie, siew fen). we had some chatters before every1 settling down n started to place order.

we took a handful of pictures while waiting 4 the food to be served, with sharon being the camera woman, of which she hated being but insisted in becoming one btw. while we were syoking sendiri, another group of 'unexpected guests' appeared. they were the XY gang (albert, simon, chris, jun yong,chu chun hong). i was especially surprised to see the presence of chun hong as he would have been enjoying his dinner with his family mem in his house if not for the event 2nite. but as usual, he acted in the funniest way he has been behaving and thought that every girl on earth being his fan. well, i would say that no1 else are so 'brave' enough to say such words besides him.

thereafter, every1 was enjoying his or her meal, with occasional photo-shooting, with the most photos of mine taken (frens, forgive me for being so camera-craving 2nite). i even took photo with each of them, personally (s sharon said, 'kai xin jiu hao') hahaha sorry o... i had the smallest bday cake ever, a sophisticated green-tea cake. yum yum not a bad idea at least every1 could finish the cake..

later on, before we left the restaurant, the triad (albert, simon, chris) handed me a gift, which was a t-shirt with the printing "READY TO LOVE".. i did not know what reaction to give indeed. seemed like they really think that im so desperate, which im not. recently i realised that frens ard me r so eagle to c me finding my 'another half'.. hey frens, u all think 2 much d... kakaka...

when i reached home, they blind-folded me and pulled me into my room. i really 'opened my eyes' to a gift that i had never received before : bedsheet with comforter n pillow case..it was a present from my fellow coursemates, and forgive me for not listing ur names one by one, but u'l indeed be remembered. i den took a few photos yg kurang senonoh with my rmmate.. rupa-rupanya jus now she excused herself to take her phone just to change my bedsheet, kinda 'creative'...

all in all, things happened today were out of my expectation to some extent. n im contented with what my frens did for me n their presence despite the coming long case n short case assessment starting next wk.. thanks again my frens.. my bday wish??? hope that all my wishes come true kakaka... (no la im not dat greedy) but cant tell here la if not tak berkesan d...

oh ya sharon posted something on facebook i find it really nice and warm so decided to post here. it reminds me of the many things that we've gone thru these 3 yrs.. thanks yea my dear hsmate+ah mui+bff:

time really flies....
thanks for dropping by btw...

Tomyam steamboat at home

2009-11-26T21:43:00.000-08:00

well, i should have posted this few days ago but it's until now that i steal some time to upload the photos.

we (sharon, me and our 'guest' pei yee) had a steamboat on monday for our dinner. n i helped in preparing the materials as well, kinda inbelievable!! im learning to become a 'part-time' housewife, which is still a long way to go...

here we go:

hmm.. looks mouth-watering kan...

come take a closer view:

3, 2, 1 go!!!

taking pic with pei yee, our 'ma'am' of the night:

fortune-telling

2009-11-22T08:54:00.000-08:00

yo...
i have something to write again..
just now when organising my purse, i discovered this piece of paper, which i got in a siam temple last week when i went back penang to pray, it reads as follow:

one who gets this is like a flower nearly in bloom. this time is very important as you may easily become very rich or poor, very good or very bad. whatever you do, do it thoughtfully. do not be proud of your ability or richness, but be careful, otherwise your reputation will be ruined.
in case of prosecution you have few hopes to win the case. very few people are willing to help or support you, but there are some people trying to ruin you. your next baby will be a girl. your luck for other things is generally good.

(p/s: ask whether i believe it? most parts of me say i will as its always better to believe so u'r more cautious to what you do. hope the good ones do occur, haha)

x, Y?? z... whatever

2009-11-22T07:52:00.000-08:00

我要控制我自己，不愿让谁看见我哭泣。。。

ok... wellll... yes i admit it...
im dumb...
so?

why are there so many people out there trying 2 slice your self-esteem one by one layer, not leaving any space for you 2 at least cover up for yourself?? sometimes when you are so keen to be there just for them, they do not even bother to acknowledge your existence. n sometimes when you do not defend for yourself, people take it for granted and assume that you'r used to be playing the role of being judged and being let down.

it sounds serious and i know that im being emo, i just hope to find an exit 2 my feelings that iv been suppressing for quite a considerable period.. (note: this does not point to any1 specific, any1 reading this pls do not get 2 personalised, thanks).

i admit that im not the kind of person who have much confidence in everything but i really know my stuff well and definitely im also not the kind of person who feel inferior all the time. im jus an average person who is trying to live my life fully, for my studies, for my patients and for the people ard me that i love. i know myself well and i know that im not the meticulous person who pays attention to every single detail in my surroundings. but that is my personality... people think that im absent-minded, ignorant, couldn care less and bla bla bla... i agree and im not trying to defend myself for that, as this is a fact, a fact is always a fact no matter how u'r trying to artifact it. n sometimes i even think that those characters are making me 'special', at least i can keep ppl around me entertained. hahaha (self-hypnotising again)...

well, crapping a lot but the main issue is here. i really can get mad when ppl are trying to relate my above characters to my future career as a doctor. jus because we'r studying medicine, we'r under the magnifying glass of others, ppl will say (or think) stuff like this, "omg, i cant imagine how you'r goin to deliver a baby in future", "gosh, don't you forget ur scissors in the patient's stomach", "i definitely don want doctor like you to be my dr in future". im certainly not a perfect person and prob will commit much more mistakes in future, but at least don't relate everything i do or every single action of mine, to my future career. it's kinda exhausting, and now it had become annoying.

i admit that i dun hav sense of direction, i lose common sense at times and i tend to be oblivious to the surrounding. and sometms im so down with myself for this when relating this to my future life. will i cost patients' lives because of this? will i harm others? when can i free from this pitfall of mine? but what im trying to say is that, i put 101% effort in what i believe and definitely will strive for the best for my patients in future (hopefully). ppl who judge and penalise others today, can u ascertain that u wont do any mistake in future? just because we'r future doctors, so our mistakes bear more consequences? i dont think so... every career saves lives to some extent and pls do not think that only doctors can cost human lives.

so next time please reflect upon urself before judging others, as you never know that your words sometimes bear hole in people's heart.

oop... i gues this is the longest blog iv ever written so better stop here..

p/s: no offence to any1, its jus a random thought.

(God, i really need your strenght to lead me on this long long journey. pls bless me that at least i won cause harm or pain to the others. 'amithaba'...)

life's brief candle

2009-11-10T08:37:00.000-08:00

To-morrow,and to-morrow,-and to-morrow,
Creeps in this petty pace from day to day
To the last syllable of recorded time
And all our yesterdays have lighted fools
The way to dusty death. Out,out,brief candle!
Life's but a walking shadow,a poor player,
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage,
and then is heard of no more;it is a tale
Told by an idiot,full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing.

exhausted but contented

2009-10-23T09:43:00.000-07:00

i would say that im totally worn out now..
just coming back from the English Speaking Zone in ktdi...
im actually quite impressed with all those good jobs done by all the committe members, as the event was much more betta than wat i expected from the rehearsal yesterday which was a complete chaos..

thank God my performance was not understandard, as I would expect after those harsh words by the judge during the audition 2 days ago... somehow feel a bit relieved now...

but the newer n bigger challenge is yet 2 come...
as im in the internal medicine posting now, dating wif da books is a must on everyday basis.
im looking forward expecting this as an extremely interesting posting, though the fear of failing the examination is so strong deep inside my heart...

2mr is the last day im with my dear rmmate b4 she goin jkm for 2 months...
n we'v planned our activity in 2mr's morning in tesco extra haha... (so cheap)

anyway i hav 2 stop by now d.... if not i really can die of exhaustion..
nite nite 2 myself...

crossing fingers

2009-09-15T11:56:00.000-07:00

it seems that bad things do not stop happening from the day i entered surgery posting...

it has little connection with the posting itself but too many bad things had occured during these 2 months.

after being totally fed up by my stupid corrupted pc which spoiled my case-write up last week, today i (or more accurately, we) were shocked by the news of entry of another new hsmate, meaning im going to have another roommate in the already congested room.

im not trying to alienate my new hsmate as everyone has the right to stay in this hs as this is just a hostel as every other houses in laman midah. i just could not imagine what it is going to be like living with a total stranger of diiferent ethnicity who is 15 years older than u.

of course il welcome her presence with an open heart. and it's a pity of her who came in so late and has to use every facility that is worn out and rejected by us from the first day itself. perhaps il b the one making the sacrifice to move up the double-decker bed as i dun think any1 would want to do so...

im not a greedy person and im not good in complaining. so here i am, just to hope for the best for the coming days, and of course, my final exam which will be in less than 2 weeks from now. as the chinese saying, 阳光总在风雨后，hopefully things are getting back in track after all these blues and greys.

~continue wif my topic of the nite, 'skin tumor'~

i'm not happy

2009-08-28T09:24:00.000-07:00

as implicated from the above tittle, i'm not happy, at least not as happy as i seem to be physically...

iv always been telling myself that we live in shadows of others, and if the people around us are pleasant, y should we bother about our own feelings? so, we ought to forgive and forget, in whichever encounter.

it is until today that i realise the price of adhering to the above self-hypnotising principle...

if the person concerned has already 'labelled' u as someone he or she has chosen to dislike, trying to please him or her will turn into a futile effort...

u'l still be viewed as someone who does not bother to take the so called 'friendship' seriously.

i admit that i'm not someone good at pleasing people who does not respond to my conversation...

in most circumstances il just let it be and selectively ignoring the person who ignites my frustration.

im certainly not an emo person and most of the time il just sweep my emotions under the carpet as i believe that it is inapproprite to show whatever feeling u have if it may have negative impact on others. it wil just worsen the scenario and make the parties involved to have an impression that u do not know how to carry yourself.

what im trying to say is that in a conflict it does not mean that the victory is always on the side of the person who expresses his or her feelings more... sometimes the one who keeps quite does so because he or she cherishes the friendship between you two and does not want to inflict it with any 'trauma', as a wound which heals will somehow turn into fibous tissue which is no longer as strong as the original tissue... haha a lame example, isn't it?

about blank.....

2009-02-12T06:56:00.000-08:00

i hate myself!!!

2009-01-07T08:59:00.000-08:00

i'm not kidding but i really mean it when i write the above title.

predisposing factor?
well, i lost my handphone, AGAIN...
as u can see, this is not my first time, and i seem to be replaying the undesirable event that had occured before.

perhaps its not about the material aspect that ignited my misery and resentment towards myself, it is the personality and character of mine that initiated all those unhappy events.

recently i have been reflecting a lot upon myself... how long it takes for me to get rid of my clumsiness and absent-minded behaviours that are making who am i today? perhaps i am not that fit for this career, as i wonder what kind of doctor i will become in the future if i am to carry these freckles in days to come. p/s: pls don't say that i think too much, it's really a big issue to me.

i understand the fact that everyone has his or her strenght and weaknesses, and of course nobody is perfect, but i just cannot stop myself fr thinking of the consequence if i am to behave like this in the future.

well, maybe i should think in the positive side from this event..
sometimes when u lose something u'l get some other things in return..
i know it's just a way to deceive myself but i rather think so if it makes me feel better, hahaha.

i gues i'm falling into unconscious state in afew minutes' time so its better to stop here before i start crapping nonsence...

tommorow will be better (hopefully)...

finally....

2008-11-04T09:16:00.000-08:00

yeah, finally the day which i'v been waiting for has come.
after all those torturing and schorching study weeks and exam days, everything has come to an end (temporarily).

flashing back on those days in semester 3, i realise that time really flies.
it's like stepping out from yesterday and today, m here again facing a new era, with much more impending predicament awaiting.

now, what i can do is to cross my fingers, praying fervently that my results go well and all hard work shall be paid off. i always believe that, when you do your best, God shall do the rest for you. n if there's a will, there's always a way.

i wish to write more but it seems that my 'dream guy' is calling upon me.
the next time i log in, i shall be in penang enjoying my idle third semester holidays.

zzzzzz.....zzzzzz......

points to ponder.....

2008-10-21T11:14:00.000-07:00

2008-10-21T11:13:00.000-07:00

2008-10-21T11:11:00.000-07:00

2008-10-21T11:09:00.000-07:00

2008-10-21T11:05:00.000-07:00

2008-10-21T11:03:00.000-07:00

2008-10-21T11:01:00.000-07:00

2008-10-21T10:58:00.000-07:00

2008-10-21T10:57:00.000-07:00

2008-10-21T10:30:00.000-07:00

2008-10-21T10:28:00.000-07:00

"home sweet home"

2008-10-17T08:40:00.000-07:00

please do not get me wrong by just taking a glance at the title.
m not yet at home (in this contex, i mean my hometown) but i feel the warmth at home.
yea, my parents are coming over for 3 days staying with me.

we had our dinner at danau kota with my elder brother a couple of hours ago.
well, finally i could have a more 'proper' dinner which looked like one after so many days of torturing my stomach with all those processed food. sorry o, my dear GIT....

today i went to the dissection hall for revision of the anatomy for my finals' OSPE.
in fact i don't have more than 5-hour sleep from yesterday until now..
BUT..... too bad i can't afford to switch off the light and hide in my blanket for the moment, as there are much more stuff yet to be digested....

as usual, i shall not mumbling too much as there's no time to waste again...
it's time to wake up (although i had not even slept yet) and continue my date with mr.sheerwood and betterstill, mr.ganong.

unfinished battle....

2008-10-16T06:14:00.000-07:00

well, the exam is not over yet (and it has not started yet)...

perhaps i should contemplate at my notes now but i have the sudden urge to log in here and....
yes i'm here again.

i should say that i've been leading very unhealthy lifestyle these few days : instant noodles, canned food, coffee, bread, biscuits, etc were those entering my stomach. it's quite an irony for a medical student to lead this kind of life... the reason is simple, walking through a stone's throw distance to buy food seems to bother me so much that i choose to stay at home.

one good news is that my parents are coming over tomorrow. yeah!!! i've been looking for this moment since the first day of my study weeks. frankly speaking, i hope that i'l have more time for study weeks as i quite enjoy the tranquility of staying alone (let me clarify, it doesn mean that i don't like staying with others) and of course, i still have so much to cover before i'm 'qualified' to battle in my finals..

i gues i have to (no, i must) stop now or else there's no way for me to finish my 'target' today.
jia you, jia you!!!
good luck is always with the man who does not expest it. yeah!!

study, study, study....

2008-10-13T10:12:00.000-07:00

starring blankly at the desktop's displaying clock, only to realise that time really can 'fly'...
it's 1am in the morning, without me even realising it.

well, perhaps i shudn't admit that i'm weary, having studying almost for the whole day (not really, though, as u can see, m stil loitering ard the net) in the midst of these 2-week study break. to make this even more miserable, i shall add on the fact that i'm the only one in this house who have chosen to stay here and not going back to my hometown. i do not know whether i'v made a sound choice, but hopefully that the outcome is appealing.... that is, i really hope that God will give me strength and grant me with luck for this final examination of the 3rd semester in my life as a medical student.

well, i have much more to write but the 'energy store' in my body does not allow me to convert my thought into words. plus my notes are calling for my attention, only to arouse my guilt for wasting too much precious time these few days. I shall continue this next time i sign in, hopefully with a much more flattering 'post-exam' mood.

tomorrow will be better
i shall keep fighting, yeah!!!

faking time

2008-10-13T01:48:00.000-07:00

i "published" my own cash!!!

it's cool, isn't it?

imaginary "cover girl"

its my horoscope (very true)

2008-10-13T00:38:00.000-07:00

射手座终极分析乐观与忧愁：
射手座人的内心不是外表看上去那么乐观的，因为喜欢看的远，容易担忧的事情也就多，在他们的字典里，即使现在好，也不一定代表未来好，有时候很多人觉得很好的一个工作或一个伴侣，他们很轻易的就会放弃掉，可能只是因为一个毫不起眼的小原因。所以，这样的外在表现，就让人们觉得他们不喜欢被某件事情或某个人束缚住，追求自由的，没有压力的感觉。现实：常说射手座是追求梦想的人，但往往忽略了他们现实的一面，算计起来不会比处女座差哦，只是更高明更隐藏罢了。射手座人的梦想是必须建立在现实的基础上的，一般他们很少谈及自己的梦想，而是实际的去做一些向梦想靠拢的事情。如果可以借巧力完成的事情，决不会多花一点工夫。所以有时候射手座也容易给人耍小聪明的感觉。可是，不得不承认他们完成的还满不错。也许终其一生，他们都在考虑怎么巧妙的做一些事情，花最少的精力去达到最好的效果。所以，很多射手座看上去让人们会觉得很懒，但是其实他们的大脑可没有停下过思考现实的事情。拒绝低俗：几乎所有的射手座内心都是骄傲的，其程度绝不亚于狮子座。只不过他们不会显现在脸上，外在的表现总是随和的，恰当的。可是内在有着极强的自尊心，敏感也情绪化。因为射手座人心中是骄傲的，所以他们拒绝低俗，不喜欢任何俗气的、粗鲁的事或人。如果可以，他们希望一切有关的事物，都是优雅的、高尚的，值得品味的。而真正能让他们觉得值得交朋友或谈恋爱的人是很少的，虽然表面上他们是很随和的。多情：很多人说射手座多情，尤其是男性。其实在射手座人的心目中，对于爱情确实有理想化的倾向，和他们谈恋爱，是一件高难度的事情。他们非常讨厌俗气的人，所以你不能很物质或喜欢谈钱，但是他们又很现实，所以你不能一文不名，各方面也必须有一定的实力。物质与精神，你必须平衡的刚刚好，才让他们觉得你值得去爱。或者，你有足够的神秘感，可以让他们不知道你的缺点在哪里，而盲目的爱你。一般，当然是没有完美无缺的人的，所以，可能象金牛座这样永远会让射手感觉捉摸不透的闷闷的人，会非常吸引他们；或者象双子那样，足够机智，懂得察言观色，捕捉他们的情绪，才会让他们感觉到爱情的甜蜜。一般射手的感情模式是，第一阶段，你们还不熟悉，他（她）爱上了你，非常热情。第二阶段，你们逐渐熟悉，而他（她）开始龟毛，整天挑剔你的毛病，无论是背地里还是当面。如果你有幸通过他（她）的挑剔过程，基本挑剔出的毛病为零或者你把缺点保密的非常好；那么进入第三阶段，他们就又是忠诚和热情的爱人了。但是基本能通过第二阶段的人非常少，所以有了射手多情一说。其实射手对恋人的挑剔，是源于对爱情的挑剔，对丧失自由感的恐惧。射手座人的人生，往往是幸运的，因为他们是聪慧的、明朗的、通透的。与众不同，也许是他们终生追求的梦想，希望每一个射手人，可以找到他们的梦想！　　人人都说射手座是感情的骗子，对爱情不尊重，只追求片刻的快感，是花心与冲满欲望的象征。朋友们…你们了解射手座最真实的一面吗？射手座是大孩子，天真与善良，遇到爱情时，可能让人感觉不认真，付出的比谁都少。可是，知道吗？射手座很想爱，却也很怕爱！刚开始他们只是慢慢的付出，谨慎的爱，好怕自己会受伤。可是在一句一句的爱，一天一天的相处下，射手座把带刺的防备丢掉，开始不顾一切的去爱他们所爱的人，在别人眼中，只是射手座为了达到某种目的而作的行动。可射手座不介意，他会在自己幸福的想象中陶醉，希望对方能感受自己的爱，想对方觉得与自己一齐是幸福的。在射手座爱上了一个人，他会把自己放到最后。有苦自己承担，可能会因为吵了一场小架而不开心，却也是最快认错，无论谁的错，他们都会包容，知道吗？射手座会因为深爱一个人而原谅他的背叛，会因为你的一句话付出很多。他们爱玩，在玩的同时，也希望把那一份好心情带给你，射手座是乐观的。　人们总觉得射手座的世界很快乐，可是呢？射手座难过时没有人知道，他不想让别人可怜自己，射手座不坚强，可是很善良。在你难过时哄你开心，让你有依靠，分手后，他会哭者去想属于你们俩幸福的回忆，也不想爱的人因为同情而勉强和他一齐。他比谁都希望自己爱的人快乐幸福，却常常忽略了自己，全身都是伤也笑着告诉你，我很好不用担心。　　在所有人看到他的笑容以为他没事，却不知道失恋对射手座有多大伤害，华丽的外表下有一颗脆弱的需要别人了解和安慰的心。知道嘛？你的一点关心，心思细腻的射手座会记得你对他的好，把自己的爱毫无保留的送给你，射手座是不被了解的，可他们不会怨谁。他们会傻傻的认为，让我承担吧，别让别人也受到伤害。所以，不要让快乐的射手座痛苦，别让他们最有魅力的笑容成为掩饰痛苦的伪装，认真爱射手座。你会知道射手座的爱，是充满泪水的…